Heart to Heart

This is my first rant of 2019, welcome.

I probably talked or have written about similar things before, but now I want to hit on something else, my own happiness.

Why aren't you smiling more?
Well, because you don't give me a reason to smile, maybe it's not your fault, cause I might have things on my mind and I am worried. Maybe it's because you disappointed me, you made my life harder, or took a decision that now I have to deal with. Maybe, it's because you're a hypocrite.

Why do you always joke? You know that's unprofessional, right?
Cause I am funny? Cause I can see the irony? Because it's unbelievably stupid? Because the situation is funny? Or because it reminds me of something funny.

Why are you always so serious? Can't you take a joke?
I thought you wanted me to be more professional and serious, which is it? Or is it that you only want to joke when you ain't the butt of the joke?

You should be happier! Enjoy life more.
I should, but you stand in my way.

Here's how people stay in my way:
They're hypocrites. That's it, thank you.

Nah, I'm joking. Not done, otherwise this fucking rant is pointless, I need to get my point across more clearly so that it hurts.

I can be plenty happy on my own, or with the content I choose to digest, the food I enjoy, the people I choose to be with, and who I am. Happy plenty, grateful plenty, cheerful as it can be. But…

If you stand in my way for no other reason than being an asshole, if you hurt others or make their lives harder and mine too by proxy, then I can’t be happy.

If you’re acting all high and mighty but you’re doing the same thing you accuse those of doing, then you’re a hypocrite and you’re doing no good to me or anyone, so I can’t be happy.

If you choose to take advantage of me, my time, my skills and then throw at me empty words when you are punishing me, then I can’t be happy… How can I?

If you’re creating problems for me because you don’t care, then how can I be happy?

If you’re a business owner, manager, boss of any kind and I see you take advantage and punish your workers for your mistakes, then how can I be professional and be cheerful working for you?

If you’re a hypocrite that is in a position of power and does all this and all this impacts me directly, then how can I be happy? Well, if you’re a hypocrite and you’re asking me to “be the better man” that means you’re the lesser, that means that you just want to take advantage of me or others, that means that you’re blind to how toxic you yourself are. So don’t ask me to be happy, professional, the better man… Because I don’t need you to ask any of that from me, because I know I can be. But that doesn’t excuse you. Yeah, you. Democrat, republic, whatever… All the same shit to me if you’re a hypocrite and can’t do what you ask from others.

Conclusion: If you want the best from someone, be the best and give your best too. Don’t mistreat them, don’t punish others for your mistakes and your idiocy.

Consider donating: https://www.paypal.me/RaulFO

Trapped: Winter - An excerpt about things

Maybe a disruption helps from time to time from the average days of the mundane, the ordinary and the plain.

It might get your brain rattled, shaken for something interesting to find or think.

Or just simply distracted from all one wants to avoid… Isn’t that right?

Of course it is, nothing works better than distractions. Or changes for the sake of just changing anything, so one can be busy, have an excuse to procrastinate on the things that really matter. Well, that’s if you choose to make them matter.

Otherwise it’s pointless. Isn’t it? To choose anything or have any sort of say or need for freedom of choice… When you don’t want to choose or do anything, really.

But then again, so is trying to find your purpose in life and starting to do something with what you have been gifted.

There are simpler ways to deal with that… Just chuck the responsibility on some entity and say it’s in their will. Whether it’s Karma or whatever god you can come up with… And you’re have no more responsibility to be or do anything, because you know you already have your place reserved and you’ll be forgiven once you pass onto the next life, whatever for it may be, if there is one.

So, if it’s in his will, why should one have the choice to choose what they do with their life? If it’s in his will… Your life doesn’t belong to you, does it? It’s either his or yours, it can’t be both.

Not that it really matters, because when it comes down to it all, there’s nothing really that matters, if you don’t want it to matter. Is there?

No, not by default, only by designation…

Just like choosing who we are with.

Choosing is used loosely in this context, isn’t it?

To choose means you knew all options and chose the best one for you. Yet if you do not know yourself, if you do not know what you want… If you don’t have all options… What exactly are you choosing?

Whatever is left… And you’re happy with that, aren’t you? You’re happy with what you’re getting and nothing else. Isn’t that right?

That’s not choosing, is it? When you’re forced by circumstance to choose between bad and bad-ish, between okay and okay-ish. To have to choose something that is not up to your standards…

Or…

Or worse… Choose something that doesn’t even satisfy you after a while. Something that is becoming a nagging thing you can’t escape from, but you’re not willing to risk it, because it’s better with the lesser evil than alone, or worse… With someone that is worst that she is…

Things, they’re all things that are here and there and everywhere…

So you settle… You aren’t willing to go for better, because you might never get the better, since the better already found the better of you in someone else. So, now you sulk at the thought… A regret for no reason, as it didn’t happen, yet, you’re not willing to risk it. To get out of this box of misery you live in. But nor can you tell all this to the person you are, because you just might hurt their feelings. You might just insult them unwillingly, about a truth we all know, yet don’t we don’t speak of. When we have the tools to find those that we want or need, we shut our mouths and close ourselves off, because trying to find those we want or need, might end up in disappointment. So we settle, for worse, never for better, always for worse.

Always for worse than you can do, I can do, anyone can do. Because there’s nothing else that matters, as long as you don’t die alone, suffering and crying.

Right? Wasting away, what a self-inflicted tragedy that no one will mourn. Because no one should mourn someone like that, a monster that love its own misery to the extent you do. And then you wonder why no one wants you, when you can’t even love the thing you are.

Things, that’s all we are, things that pass. Everything is a thing of a thing of a thing. And no one can change that, no one… Because you’re either no one thing or some thing that does a thing that has its thing of a purpose that helps things.

And everyone loves a good thing, don’t they?

So I heard.

Consider donating: https://www.paypal.me/RaulFO