In Sanity

The Greatest lie ever told was that there is a “normal”.

This world and its system is in such a way crafted that you are either insane or in sane, with no in between. You, your values, your personality, actions, words, either are for decency or indecency. It is rather hard to believe when you look at people, for a myriad of reasons, that there is anything more than this binary. Because anything against decency is indecent. Anything besides any of the minimum basic decency of what constitute basic human rights for all, is pro-discrimination. There is no world where you can have any sort of decency and argue against that. Yet somehow, at some point, those indecent folk managed to turn gullible, naive, ignorant people into their weapon of hate, discrimination and insanity. And yes, that is one extreme of this whole debacle, there are still plenty of insane people that consider themselves to be of sound mind and reason, that discriminate yet call themselves people of common sense. All of which wouldn’t be a problem if our systems worked. But these insane people are in power everywhere. And they’ve been in power ever since humans have gathered into what we call societies today. Which can only drive decent people insane…

Reading is not enough, nor is knowing history not enough. In all these activities in a world of insanity, knowing something or reading, does not mean much if you do not teach yourself to think. Insanity, much like any other sort of delusion or psychosis ingrains itself in people that do not use what they have. As they use a grain of truth to full you into eating a plate of hate that fills your anger. As this grain takes root into a person, they turn blind. That blindness turns their anger into fury, which turns into acts of aggression towards anyone they hear disagree with them. At that point that person is lost to their insanity, as no reason, no logic, no anything will reach them. The roots of that grain grew to envelop their hearts in darkness and evil. Their blindness infects their ears when it comes to common sense or any sort of self-criticism. They’ve become something worse than human, they’re a monster with the appearance of their old shell. As no human is evil, and anything that is evil, is not human. 

These non-humans try to fool us into thinking we are just like them. And that their world is normal, and ours is not. They try to spread self-doubt, and bring you to their side. Only a fool would look at them and see their darkness as light. Yet there are plenty of fools that have no forethought as they can survive without it that take the plunge into something easier, not thinking. As in order to think, you need to be enlightened and see even in their darkness what they actually sell you. Otherwise, you will find yourself that you have sold your soul to the devil, your body to the machine and your mind to those monsters that want you to hate and fight your brothers and sisters.

The solution? Is not hope, it’s not promises, it’s showing that there is an alternative to all that. Otherwise there is no antidote to the poison they are selling. When the algorithm feeds your addiction, and you have no self-control, you blame the algorithm, a cabal that want to control you and anyone and anything you do not like. Yet you yourself are feeding upon the slop and poison they are presenting you without any sort of self-reflection upon what it is you put in your mouth. When you waver on whatever it is you consider decent or right, you are indulging yourself into feeding the grain that poisons you. And when the whole history of humanity is full of people engrained in this ideology, blind to their own behavior, there is not much hope for those in sanity to keep fighting those insane.

So, in order for change to occur all people should first and foremost look upon themselves with the same critical eye they look upon others. As without this, there is no world where insanity can be vanquished as the wheel of violence wheel keep on turning as there will be plenty of monsters to run upon the will and keep it spinning until we die out due to our own hubris and ego that kept that grain of hate well fed and alive.

What's Lacking

Look around, what do you see?

Much like you, I could write an unending list of humanity’s failures. Corruption, greed, murder, wars, genocides, man-made famines, and the list could go on and on and on. So why?

Why write? It makes no money.

Why create art? It makes no money.

Why sing? It makes no money.

I know why. We have to. There is no pretending to be human without art, whether it’s song, sonnets, stories, photos, drawings, animation or sculpture.

And you might have heard this before, but I don’t think you have.

I don’t think you heard me at all. The title isn’t rhetorical… And we don’t just do art because we have to, it goes deeper than that.

What do you see? Around you, realistically, objectively. Wealth inequality, another genocide or two, wars, housing crisis, global warming, rising fascism, the fall of an empire or two, for whatever reasons men have a loneliness epidemic they can’t seem to figure it out. And what do all these have in common? No love.

No one that loves kills, genocides, makes others suffer for their own benefit. No one that loves, blames someone else for their own failures as a human being. Sure, you can broadly gesture to the whole system, but blaming all women for your loneliness, that’s on you, not the system.

At the core of everything what is lacking is love. We have no education about love, how to deal with it, how to create it, how to cherish it and how to give it in a healthy way. And love is in all our lives. Whether you love a movie, tv show, animation, character, book, piece of music, person, animal, tool, accessory, piece of clothing or shoe. You can not escape love. And when we do not know how to deal with love, we do not know how to deal with much of anything, really. So, we shun it.

And thus we shun art. Art is nothing but love, expressed through a myriad of ways. And when we make an enemy of art, we make an enemy of love. Whether we vilify it and call it a political stance, or woke, it is never a good idea to vilify art nor love. When you do, you shun your humanity, as there is no part of your life that must not have love for others, nature, and everything that is good in this world.

There is no other way to look at it. To look at those that are doing everything that is morally apprehensible and not to see their lack of love. For their neighbor, for their families, for those less fortunate, for those that need some help, for those having a bad day, or for anyone that is not them themselves enjoying the wrath of their villainy. And what is villainy if not the lack of the compassion love brings in a person?

I tell you… Look closely… Who hates? Who creates all this chaos, badness and evil fuckery in this world? Look closely at what they enjoy. Look at their relationships, what fruits they bare, what love they bring, how they communicate with their close other. What their topics of discussion are, if those discussions leave you refreshed or drained. Look at their actions when they’re not with you, or around you. Look at everything they are telling you. And I can bet you, that they lack a healthy relationship with love. Whether it’s loving themselves, accepting other's love, their learned toxic relationship with love from their parents or from somewhere else. Most obviously, the easiest way to see where they stand is their relationship with art. What they consume, what their relationship is with that art? Is it a healthy one? Or is it a getekeep-y/toxic one? 

That is the easiest way to find what’s lacking… What is your relationship with art?

Not All That - Story 2 - End of M

It’s not about that…

SOMEWHERE ON EARTH

But why not give us another day? asks the Brave Arachnid. Why would we? You had twelve thousand years to do the right thing and figure it out. In the past one hundred and fifty years you have had a marvelous revolution upon revolution that has brought so much wealth, so much information, so much good… Yet all was used for war, in the name of misery. In the name of subjugation of other people. You have been preaching the words of a god of peace, love and kindness, and used it for violence, for genocide, for hate against the other which was just as you were. Whose fault is that? How can you preach for love and fight against your neighbor? How can you go to a place of worship and beat your wife and children? How can you pretend to love anything yet despise anything that isn’t just as you are? And then the age of heroes arose. Wish after wish for these people to be saved by someone, by some heroes. Their prayers answered, they’re third chance at a normal life realized. And with all that power, what have you done? With all that intellect what have any of you done to save these people that were suffering? Some of you have wealth beyond comprehension, yet you use it for your own personal gains without a care in the world for those suffering. Most your so called villains are but victims of the status quo you are defending with your lives. Some of them are the direct consequences of you, heroes. And what have you done? You have jailed them, you have punished them for fighting back against that was turned them into who they are in the first place.  

The Brave Arachnid looks down in shame. We are not here to preach upon your failures as heroes or as human. But the wildlife, the fauna, the atmosphere, this planet is innocent compared to the crimes humanity and its heroes committed against itself, the aliens explain. But we can be better, the Brave Arachnid interjects. It is not about what you could be, it is about what you are right now. And it seems none of you really understand what we have been trying to tell you. Each of you have your share of responsibility. Whether it’s what happens to your own selves, to those around you or to the environment around you. There is no such thing as pure innocence in this day and age. Whether ignorant, a fool, evil, if you defend, stand by, and do nothing about the injustices that are committed against yourself, you are as much to blame for what happens as those villains that have put you in this situation. And that is especially true of those that have awoken with power or knowledge, as in those that know better should use their powers. And not to just protect themselves, but those closest to them, at least. And if you look around, most people can’t even take care of their own selves, caring about anyone else isn’t even a possibility. And you heroes, should have helped with that. Yet most people suffer. Most people are having a hard time existing, living, using this excessive wealth that has been created and hoarded by a few. And of those few, some call themselves heroes. 

I… You’re right, says The Brave Arachnid. It is not about being right. It is about the minimum of decency. And then there’s the following question. If we give you one more day, will you do the right things because it must be done out of your own free will? Or will you do it just because you are under the threat of annihilation? To us, our intervention was never about negotiating, it was about taking a decision. As the moment we intervened it was clear to us that it was too late for heroes, and humanity as a whole to have any chance at survival, the aliens explain. But what about the children? The babies? What about them? They haven’t been tainted. They don’t know any better, says the Brave Arachnid. You are not wrong, babies are pure, some children are already a lost cause. As we will not force them into the cruelty of reeducation camps, they will follow. You can blame the parents, you can blame us, we do not care. But if humanity is to survive, a reset is non-negotiable, the aliens explain. But they are still children, they can still learn, the Brave Arachnid interjects. Most humans could learn something all their life. Yet we do not see humanity as kind enough to live with a sudden change brought on upon them by an outside force. As such, we bid you farewell, as this age of so called heroes and old humans will draw to its end. And no other human will have to survive to feed themselves, to house themselves, to work themselves to death, without fear of exploitation, hate crimes, or wars. 

As most humans and superheroes are pulverized in an instant, silence falls upon earth. All machines stop, the lights come on, the streets now empty, the cries of pets and babies echo. Why are we alive? a few hundred thousand people ask themselves. We need someone to take care of the babies. We need someone with the same values of equity, equality, love, compassion, empathy to shape the new world. To help heal humanity, as the cancer was cut out. Now the planet will breathe again, you will be able to breathe again freely without the knee of the oppressors pressed upon your necks. And you few, are those that do not just believe in these values, but apply them to every part of your lives. Now go, take care of all these babies, pets, and this world. All the doors are open. The end of maltreatment has been enacted, you now have your second chance. We have but one request. Please, do not ever mention us, or what happened here today. 

This is the second and last part of the Not All That mini-series. Hope you liked it. And you can read below the second part of the exclusive mini series about horoscope signs in The Horrorscope - Sign - Series on the Nobody The Extra Blog.

The Horroscope :SIGN: Capricorn Part 1

When love bears fruit, miracles happen.

202X, long before the story of The Horrorscope

Do you remember when we first met? You annoyed me so much, she says smiling as she looks down. Yeah, that was mutual, he responds as he gives her a kiss on her forehead. I am scared now, she says. It’s fine to be scared. It’s not like anyone can prepare you for this. And this is the first time we are going through something like this. I am scared as well. Will I be good enough? Will be able to do the right thing?  He asks as he holds her to his chest with his right hand combing through her hair. I didn’t even have time to think about that, she says while sighing. Maybe that’s better, he says with a smile. We figured it out until now, we will probably figure it out from here on as well, she says. I think this is the first time we actually had a minute in these past six or seven months where we could take a minute to actually talk, he says. Without needing to take snap decisions? Absolutely, she says. It feels good to take a moment for ourselves, he says. I can’t believe the life we’ve lived. And we’re what? 30? It doesn’t feel real, she says. Yeah, after that rock hit the ocean, and hundred million died, including our families, and our homes. I don’t know how we even got here, he says. Agreed, it feels like a blur. I wish they were here with us in this moment to see this miracle, she says as tears start to run down her face.

Ten years ago… 201X

I am afraid, Damian, she says. What? That asteroid? They haven’t confirmed that it will hit. And, you know that we need this vacation, he replies. I know. But I can’t help but worry. Both our families are near the coast. And if it hits in the ocean, what if it creates a tsunami or something and it hits while we’re gone? she asks. I don’t think that will happen. From what they said, it was a small one, and even then, they are quite inland. And might I remind you, that it’s still a few days away before anything is confirmed. So, we might get back home before anything happens, he says. Okay, you might be right. But I read the horoscope and they said that something big is going to happen for each and every sign, that’s the first I have ever seen something like that happen, she says. Lupe, I know you are anxious, and for good reason. This is the first time in our modern history an asteroid is confirmed to hit somewhere on this planet. But until now the horoscopes weren’t that accurate, so whatever might happen, we will deal with it right then and there, says Damian. You are right, let’s just enjoy this short vacation. We’ve earned it.

The two board the plane. Hand in hand they look at each other as the plane takes off. After three hours of flying, the sky turns dark for a brief second as a loud whooshing noise is heard by everyone on the plane. A large burning asteroid is seen entering the atmosphere. As everyone starts screaming, the asteroid lands in the ocean. Second after a booming noise is heard, as a strong wind knocks the plane spinning off course, directly into a river.

Back in 202X

A miracle, yeah, you could call it that, says Damian. To land exactly on a river and miraculously for everyone to survive, is a miracle, says Lupe. And now look at us, you are pregnant with our child, we have a family, the world finally feels like it makes sense again, says Damian. Oh, says Lupe. What? asks Damian. My water broke, says Lupe. Okay, okay, we’ve practiced for this. I know what to do. Don’t move! he exclaims with joy. The two get their stuff as an ambulance arrives. They get taken to the hospital. I think I decided on his name, she has through the contractions. Which is? he asks. Keiteki, she answers. Love it, he says as he holds her hand. The both enter the birthing room, together with the doctors after waiting in the waiting room for another four hours, as she was dilating. Half an hour later in sweat she screams as the doctor keeps instructing her to breathe and push. I can see the head, the doctor says. Come on, sweetie, a bit more, just push a bit more, says Damian. She lets hour a giant scream as she pushes, the doctor falls on his back. Lupe keeps pushing as the doctor gets up rapidly to hold the baby’s head. Damian stands up not knowing what to do. The baby starts crying, Damian sighs with relief, Lupe’s head hits the pillow with exhaustion and the doctor with a terrified look on his face gets up with the baby in his arms. He hands it to the nurse. The nurse with a shocked expression hands it to Lupe.

A scream echoes throughout the hospital as a goateed and hairy baby cries in the hands of her mother.

This is the first part of a 4 part monthly series that will be exclusive to Nobody The Extra blog about each zodiac sign in The Horrorscope world.

Not All That - Story 1 - Bad

Something, something, responsibility… Something, something, power.

Somewhere on Earth

We are an intergalactic alien species and we are here to cleanse this planet of humans, a disembodied voice is heard in every human language across the world. Hearing this, the world’s greatest super heroes from all around the world gathered together to fight the invasion. Much to their surprise their enemies have joined them as well. We might be bad, but what’s the point in all of that if we die and there’s no one left? A voice representing the evil doers reasons with a smirk as they ally with the heroes. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, rationalizes a hero as the villain next to him thinks it’s the smartest thing he has heard. Thus, the fight against the invasion begins. It was something from legend. Gods trying to protect people from an extinction level event. The fights were hard fought, many casualties on both sides. And after three days, and three nights, a hero seeing the destruction, the death, the toll it took on everyone put a pause to it all. We need to stop. We can’t keep fighting like this. They seem intelligent beings, why don’t we try to reason with them? asks the brave hero. Why should we? They’re trying to exterminate us, responds another hero that runs really fast. I want to know why. What did we do wrong? asks the first hero. There’s no point in asking why. You don’t look at an invading nation and try to go ask them why, you fight back, says Hootab Man as he pulls out his hootmobile with a hootremote. Fine, I am going to swing there on my own, says the Brave Arachnid. 

The Brave Arachnid makes his way through the city and our towards The Mothership. You don’t have to do this, Brave Arachnid. You can just ask, and we will answer for all to hear, says the disembodied voice. Wait, how did you know? asks the Brave Arachnid. Each of you have a phone, or some sort of transmitter and receiver on you. We are beings able to do intergalactic travels. We as you can imagine have also access to all those transmitters and receivers, thus access to every bit of knowledge and technology you posses, explains the disembodied voice. Then why didn’t you launch or detonate the nukes? ask the Brave Arachnid. It seems we were not clear in our communication. We are here to hurry the extinction of the human race and its silly little super off-shoots. Not every race. Thus nuclear or other such heavy weapons are not to be used. Which is why we have locked your leaders out of every single system that could do untold damage to the environment, explains the voice. So, you want to conquer this place and get rid of us? asks Brave Arachnid. No. We do not wish to conquer this planet. We wish to get rid of you. That is all, explains the disembodied voice. As every human and hero listens, the fighting stops as they are all bewildered by the responses of the aliens. And all had one question on their mind…

But, like… Why? asks Brave Arachnid. A loud sigh echoes throughout the world. Your planet is no value to us. The resources it has, are at best primitive. The technology you have is rudimentary. The human philosophy, morality and action is still prehistoric in our view. There is not much value to this planet or this race for us in order to do anything but liquidate humanity, explains the disembodied voice. But why? We’re humans, sure, we all have our faults, but we’re really trying and not all that bad, says the Brave Arachnid. Are you not that bad? You produce more food than you need, yet you have starving people and everyone knows of them and sees them. You have space and resources for shelter, yet there are people that have none. You have the technology and knowledge to change that, yet you torture yourselves at the behest of the richest humans. You have the capacity for morality, yet you choose to selectively enforce it or ignore it. We have watched you for the past two thousand years. The changes have been incremental. The brutality you have been treating each other has become more cunning. You have the treatment for most of your diseases, yet you decided that not everyone deserves to get access to it. You have nothing but killed this planet and have done untold damage to it and its environment. Every single time there is a threat to the status quo, you and your other so called heroes rush to defend all this. All this? Really? And they are the bad guys? You and others like you walk amongst people like gods stepping next to ants and you decided that with your powers, instead of changing the world for the better, you are upholding and enforcing this world upon others. That is cruel. So, please do remind us. How are you not all that? asks the disembodied voice.

Give us one more day, says the Brave Arachnid as the questions from the aliens echoed throughout the world. If you need the threat of punishment to do the right thing, then you are no more, no less than a mindless drone with no value to us. While we appreciate that you came to talk to us, we can not in any good conscious accept this following result as anything positive. Morals, love, respect can be thought, that much is true. Yet to enact these one needs to understand what they are doing wrong, that they are bad, what their privilege is and what work needs to be done. Thus we have decided that it is time for a new start.

To be continued…

Only Once

I will not lie to you…

The following post is just a confession. Nothing but a confession. Not a confession you’d expect, but one that would make sense. As long as you continue to read, you will start to understand that what you are about to read and the confession I am about to make, is going to make sense…

It is nothing new.

I you could have guessed this already.

I have told you some of this.

As long as I have been alive I have struggled to be understood, or when I was understood, I struggled to find much acceptance. This is both bad and good. Bad, because it does affect your psyche to be told no. Good, it makes you work hard to better yourself and your arguments. As some things might have sense to you, but if you don’t know how to explain them or express them, it’s going to create problems. And as I have told you, it is a reason, one of many, I started this here blog. It was not just to let out the thoughts and voices I had in my head and get something off my chest. But it was in a way therapy. Therapy I couldn’t afford. So, if you want less people like me to think they’re writers, having mental health professionals at hand for everyone would help. Who knows how many authors and writers less would we have today if we actually cared for mental health care for all…

But, all this writing is also a symptom of this world. We create a violent world which pushes us inward. Thus our apprehension when it comes to honesty and honestly presenting ourselves outwards to people. And in a world of weirdos, pushing people to try to stick to the norm, is quite confusing. So as I write this, I feel an urge to be as weird as possible, but while this is not my confession, I do think this world creating such restrains when it comes to anything we do, that doesn’t harm someone, is bad. Maybe a reason why I do what I do when it comes to writing and trying to stick out of the norm, when there is barely any norm, no matter what category someone will invent to put any art into its little box. And this bad can be seen in formulaic content, low hanging fruit that can be easily consumed and the leisurely walk to the bottom as season 3 of MILF Manor hits Netflix. We do not accept each other, we can’t accept ourselves, yet we celebrate the outstanding.

So it all feel arbitrary to me. We have no real values to what we do, when we do it, why we decide to do it. Yet, at the same time we pretend we have some moral authority and standard over art. My art is bad because my art isn’t how art should be. Your art is better because it sells more than me. But are those really things that matter? Even if we talk about impact in history, there are authors that were best sellers during their life times and are all but forgotten. At the same time there are so many authors simply forgotten that made no impact. You can not tell, nor will you ever be able to tell in your lifetime the impact you have, in a hundred years, or in our forever history. So why should I look more than just once at what I write here? Why should I do more than what I have been doing? I have brewed these thoughts to hell and back. I did not just open my laptop and start writing this only to the pleasure or displeasure of someone. I have edited these feelings to the point of nauseum. And while structurally, yes, I could do better. What does it matter? If you can’t tell this apart from Rebel Moon or anything written with AI that has 4.5 stars on Amazon, what’s the point?

For more exclusive content and early access to posts like these visit: https://www.raulfo.com/nobodys-extra-blog-landing-page

Here is the cover photo for an exclusive post on Nobody’s Extra Blog with the tag:

Wear My Memories

When they said your body will remember everything you’ve done, they weren’t lying…

I’ve been dealing with anxiety this whole year, from panic attacks, to social anxiety, to many other problems and complications that come with such a mess. Yet one of the things I have learned, and you will learn too, if you are ever to venture into learning about anxiety, is that it affects your body. To what degree depends on you. You are the anxiety, you are the response to everything that is happening around you. You are whatever you want to be, including an anxiety riddled mess that can spiral into mania, depression, self-sabotage, and much more. But, I am not saying that as a blame, not on me, not on you, yet that remains the truth. We are out anxieties, we are our insecurities, we are our pain, our sorrows, our failures and our victories. How we deal with them is the problem. No one is teaching us from a young age what the right way to deal with them is. And that’s because we’ve come from broken people and we’ve developed into broken people. And we will create broken people, as we continue. And you can see that we are broken people in the way the world is, and looks. The world reflects our inner worth, yes, there is beauty, but there’s just as much broken ugliness that we don’t know how to deal with and we lash out. So when we’re all broken glass, when we’re all trying to fix ourselves up. And the world is the same, we can’t help but feel anxious, afraid, lonely, one against the world. When in reality, it’s the world against itself, it’s me against myself, it’s only me against someone else if you make it so. And then you create more broken pieces.

But, I’ve been healing. That is a fact. I know that I get scared if something hurts, I say it scared me. Because that’s what it did. I know when I get too fired up that I’m not anxious, I’m passionate, I’m way too into something that I care about, because that’s passion, right? I know that when something hurts, it’s because I’ve been sitting like a shrimp and not moving enough. I am getting better at figuring myself out. But what I also started to do is something I forgot to do, yet I used to do a lot. Talk to myself. I used to go to school six thirty in the morning because that’s when my parents had to go to work and they just couldn’t leave a child alone. And I used to talk to myself in the darkness. I used to be so comfortable with myself, and I love to dig deep and figure myself out. Yet I forgot how to do that. And once that happened, a lot of things started to take roots. I wish it was all good, but it wasn’t. Because when you don’t have someone to talk to, when you have no one to save you, there is only you, yourself and that’s it. And I forgot myself, I forgot to save myself. I fought to learn how to save others, how to make the world a better place, because if I did something, maybe then they would be nicer to me. But I was wrong. There is no saving others, if you can’t save yourself. Much like there isn’t loving others, if you can’t love yourself honestly. And let me tell you, since then, there has been one revelation after the next.

So, I’ve been healing, getting better, talking to myself. And when you get better, your body starts to ache. As years of anxiety, panic, flight or fight keeps your adrenaline pumping, your cortisol pumping, your teeth clenched, your shoulders up, your muscles tight. So when you let go, things start to feel numb, tingly, unreal, like something is wrong. But getting here wasn’t easy. It’s been a year since I’ve had that big first panic attack in years. And since then, I’ve had a rough summer, yet a nice autumn. With more happy days, with less anxious days. But with revelations, about emotional abuse, and how much of it I’ve been receiving. About the ways I’ve been traumatized, by who I’ve been traumatized. Some of those people I used to call close friends, now we do not talk anymore. Some of those are family, and they still won’t understand what they are doing wrong. Because they haven’t realized that it is wrong, what they are doing. Because when you’re surrounded by broken pieces, you never realize you need to get whole, you think you need to get sharper to cut better. But I’ve been getting better at dealing with all that.

So when your body feels tight, when your jaw is clenched, when you keep clenching your fists, tightening your abs, STOP. Listen to your body. You are making it carry something heavy that is not yours to wear on your back. That trauma they’ve brought onto you is not yours to hold onto. That pressure they’ve put on you to satisfy their needs and standards is not yours to bear. That toxicity, is not your fault. Their insecurities are not your fault, nor are they your responsibility. So when you wear your memories, be careful, once upon a twilight, take a peek, take a gander. You never know what you have been wearing upon your shoulders. What you weight you have been taking on. Look around, see who has been putting that weight on your shoulders. Who has been putting pressure and whose insecurities are you shouldering. Because you might have some dead weight around on your back and around your neck. As most pieces can have access and the tools needed to save themselves, but we do not nor can we not make that in their stead. They need to used the help, if given or available. Otherwise they will drag you to their level and they will put their whole weight on you.

But, I’ve been healing, I’ve been getting better. I do not know how much more trauma I have in me to deal with. But, with times, I guess I’ll find out. I’ve been through too much not to share this with the world. As it was the world that placed these things on me, and it is to the world that I am giving them back. The only things I wish to keep on my back, is a long jacket, which I can wear, of all my good memories, friends, family and successes. I have punished myself plenty for my past mistakes, you can read about them as I am literally an open book, been so for the past fifteen years. I came to peace with my mistakes and took an ownership over them. But, if you have been reading through 2024 and early, you can see that I have yet to make proper piece with the world and most its people. I do not know if I’ll ever be at peace with what has been happening or will be happening. But as long as I have myself to talk to. No one is going to stop me.

I am still healing…

Hope you liked this post.

My Shoes

Hurt comes in all shapes and sizes.

A cry is heard, every single time a baby is born. We come in life through hurt, experiencing hurt, and our most formative years are spent hurting. When we learn to walk, we often fall. We get hurt. We get back up. We get hurt, again when we try to walk again, but haven’t yet figured it out exactly how. Then, later in life, we hurt when we learn more, experience more. The first time you ride a bike, you get hurt. The first time you play a sport, you got hurt. The first time you played a game, you lost and got hurt. Your first love, has left you hurt. Your first relationship has left you hurt. Your first fight with your mother, father or family, it is hurting still, maybe. You and your best friend when you had your first fight, it hurt. All the things we live through bring hurt. Life is nothing short of hurt. Whether it’s verbal, physical, mental, hurt is there from the moment you are born, to the moment you die of hurting too much. But, we learn to cope with those things. some, do better. Some, worse, through alcohol, drugs, gambling, food or any other similar addictive process or thing that can help fill the void, at least temporary. But, most of us do not learn how to cope. There is no such book about coping that can apply to everyone everywhere. Yet one thing we seem to keep forgetting is that we all hurt all the time.

Oh, I am not exaggerating, did you know that when your stomach is digesting food, it actually hurt your body physically? The reason you do not know that, or feel that, is because our body has a somewhat healthy way of dealing with that and not transmitting that hurt to your brain. So, hurt can be ignored, hurt can be bottled up, hurt can be dealt with appropriately. But that is, if we learn how to deal with it. But no one teaches you that, and those that try, most are putting you on a path of hurting even more. If you do not know how to process the hurt, if you do not know to vocalize your hurt, if you do not know how to cope with your hurt, that will bring you more hurt. And in this world of violence, hurt is literally everywhere at every corner, as hurt is part of our communal experience and culture. Our most prized art is about hurting, is making you feel hurt, rarely do we appreciate those that try to create art that heals. So, if we all hurt. If we all are born through hurt from labor, why do we break so easily and never get ourselves back together? Because the world is created by those hurt to hurt others. So when everyone is hurt, the world itself is one of hurt, the system we deal in is one that is hurting us.

So, then, why do I expect someone that is hurt to understand me? Why do I expect someone that can’t piece themselves together to look at my hurt and understand it? When clearly, they can’t understand their own hurting and how can their perspective even engage with my hurting? If their can’t fit into my shoes, nor are they even will to walk in them, why do I keep expecting them to do as I do? Why do I keep expecting them to understand what they did to hurt me? And why do I expect them to put in the effort to understand how I am hurting? When they can’t seem to get out of their own shoes, and even attempt to put on my shoes on. Life is full of hurt, but in this hyper-individualized world created by this violent system made by these hurt people to hurt people, we need more people that understand. You can understand whatever subject, system, thing, as much as you’d like, but if you never try to understand it from the human perspective, for the side that is hurting, you are not just missing the point, you will contribute towards creating a better tomorrow. Because then, you are acting to protect your privilege instead of creating equity and helping the world rid of much of the hurt its creating.

So, when you refuse to walk in someone’s shoes, and you simply react based on what presumptive image you have of them in your head, rather than listen and assess the things being related to you, there is no hope in my opinion, for you to understand the hurt of many. Hurt has many shapes and sizes, much like our shoes, but saying that all shoes are the same, is silly. My shoes, are different than your shoes. My hurt has been going on longer than you have seen or known. My shoes are more worn than yours for a multitude of reasons. Just because I use my shoes different than you do, does not mean that my shoes are less valuable than yours or anyone’s. They’re shoes, they’re made for walking. Much like the hurt that’s made to hurt you, one does not negate the other. But one did come before the other, so, if you refuse to walk in my shoes, but you’ll gladly walk in my enemy’s shoes, then how can I take what you tell me in good faith? Have you walked in my shoes before you spoke? Have you even imagined yourself where I am standing? How I am feeling before you wrote? I do not expect anyone to fully understand what I am going through, we all hurt in our own unique way. But, if you care about my hurt, I expect you to do the bare minimum and put yourself in my shoes first.

I LOVE PEOPLE, but...

I actually do love people very much, but…

Society has been a thing for now over ten thousand years. And while the progress humanity made in terms of human rights is astounding in the past 80 years. I find it as fascinating as writers back during world war 2, the great war, the Napoleonic wars, and many others in the past did, that we believe ourselves to be civilized people. Hell, George Carlin said the same thing not fifty years ago. Yet we quote the man and his words still hold true to this day, a thing that we shouldn’t celebrate it. A thing that we should be terrified of. Any writing, theater piece, song, moral that is old and still holds true, does not show the timelessness of the piece, it shows the lack of progress. So, I find it hard to take any pride in what I do, what I write, what I believe, when I see people with their whole might trying to hold onto outdated and violent values. Even the church itself changed how it interprets the holy texts. Yet we look at the violence, the hierarchy we keep from feudalism yet disguised as the ultra rich, as things we need. Yes, technically anyone can become the ultra rich, but the chances of that are getting smaller and smaller as the disparity between the rich and poor has been forever growing. 

Yet in a world of plenty, most people are getting scraps, if anything. And do you see what I mean? This is going to be a long post complaining about shit people aren’t doing right. We’re fucking up the bag, we’re ruining the only fucking place we get to live on. There won’t be a Mars colony any time soon. And when there will be one, you won’t be on it, sweetie. There won’t be enough resources to get you close to even escape the hell we are creating for ourselves here. Because there’s no way more than a few thousand people will manage to escape this to Mars, the Moon or a space station, if that. And not that I hate to break it to you, but, much like me, you’re a nobody. When it comes to survival, humanity is quite bad at pulling together, unless that is the only option, which we clearly haven’t grasped that it’s the only solution we have left. What I am trying to say is that I love people, I do. But I find it frustrating to befriend them, when they talk about fucking, drinking, fighting, misogyny, misandry, how they’re racists, xenophobic, and all other sorts of phobic. And you can’t fucking tell them that saying those things is wrong, and not free speech cause it’s violence. Nor can’t you tell them that you couldn’t give a shit about drinking or fucking or fighting people, cause you find that stupid. Because that is their level, what they can afford to think, be or have fun with. Some do other things as well, of course, some, that’s their whole personality. And that’s what it is. It’s not like we’re creating more chances for them to do more or be more.

So, you see, it’s not that I dislike people, I love them. But people don’t make the case for themselves. I’ve seen good people turn fascists. I’ve seen smart people become the dumbest people you could possibly imagine. And those that hold out all have problems. Mentally, physically, both, me included, I have problems of all sorts. But most of them come from people. As I can’t control them. As I can’t talk to all of them. And even if I do, it’s not like there’s a point in trying to convince them of anything. People are so ingrained in their social programming they could kill a fucking puppy if you told them it’s their worst enemy. They certainly don’t care about killing babies in the middle east. If you read to this point and you think that this sounds harsh, these exact sentiments I displayed for the past 2 years, and you can read these sentiments on a nicer tone. Yet, I do not know what else to say to make you believe me that I love people. Because otherwise why would I care this much? Why would I want people to be decent? Why would I want people to rid themselves of hate and violence? Why would I want people to come from a place of good faith? Why would I want people to have better, easier, nicer lives? And advocate for all this if I hated them? I don’t know how else to put it. I love people, but if we let ourselves be driven be greed, power, violence, outdated values, we are not pleasant or someone I want to be around very much. As these people are anxiety and stress inducing…

You can read the exclusive story on Nobody The Extra blog with the tagline “Everything happening is a story…”

People Don't Understand Violence: Part 2 - It's Not Just Physical

Freedom isn’t violent, violence is violent…

It’s not just war, bombs, hate crimes, murders, fist fights, assassinations, violence is so much more. I don’t think there’s a need for me to explain how beating your wife or war is bad. So, we will pass these things. As violence is every present everywhere you look. But people will not seem to face that fact because it feels like they like to relish in that type of violence. Be it because they take part in it, or they enjoy it as it is targeted towards people they do not like for any arbitrary reason that makes no real sense. But we need to unlearn this, violence is not just one that is seen.

A. Verbal Violence

Violence comes in so many forms. Verbal, is another popular form of violence. Whether it’s verbal abuse of a significant other, racist, xenophobic, hateful stuff, slurs and their use. There are so many ways of being violent through words. But, luckily, lately we being to understand that and fight back against such behavior or at least label it correctly, such that we can say “this is bad”. Which means we can do something about it. And if we can understand this, we might understand others as well. For example, it seems that a great subsection of abuse, which is political or systematical abuse is still a mystery for many.

B. Political Violence

Policy makes system, system makes policy, it’s a vicious corrupt circle. But we need to understand that these two things are tied together. One can not be without the other. If violence is present in one, then it is present in the other as well. Same goes for corruption and everything that is bad, not just violence. But let us start with strictly policy…

1. Strictly Policy

Contrary to popular belief these days, assassination attempts are not the only type of political violence. Policy and law can be violent as well. For example, the UK and France restricting the right to protest. That is a violent precedent that steps on the rights of these people. I don’t think I have to explain to you how apartheid is bad, how the Holocaust and genocide is bad, how the Jim Crow era was bad, how war is bad and that all this usually starts with policy and law. The Holocaust was legal, and you’ve probably read that multiple times. We’ve talked about this in the previous post about Historical Consequences. So, hopefully you understand how all that is violent. Because otherwise we’d be stuck here for eternity. But, if you understand those things, you understand the base level of political violence and how it can have many forms. 

So, now that we get that out of the way, there are plenty of other ways policy and law can be violent. Basically anything that restricts your freedom and makes your life harder is violent. For example, if you have rights, and a certain group of people do not have the same rights you have, that is political and systematical violence. Why? Because they do not have access to certain rights. And anyone against that, is violent against said group of people. Red lining, a thing that happened in the US where if you were of a certain color, you were not able to buy a house there. That is also political violence. Here’s another example, let’s say you were born in a city. You went to school, you got your degree, you work hard, but by the time you started school to now, the price of housing has gone through the roof. That is political violence, as it is tied to directly to policy of your government and it affects you directly. The government could do something about it. Plenty have done so, there are studies on this which could bring a solution. But the people in charge have an inherent interest in not doing something, because they are systematically using the excuse of a free market to plump their pockets and those around them in order to profit. And it’s really difficult to think they are just incompetent when we have too many examples, studies, exposes of them doing these things on purpose. And not with just housing, food, water, and pretty much everything else that could make our lives better, which got harder and harder to attain. Just like creating a family, pollution, global warming, these are things policy could change and make our lives easier and better. But the violent system will not accept such a change for the loss of profits.

2. Strictly Systematical

So when everything is for profit, and profit comes at the expense of workers, what is this system if not violent against the cogs it uses to function? A corporation can bribe officials, to get a license to dry out a lake, put a fence around it and sell the water to the locals. Something Nestle is really good at. That is violence. And it is brought on by this system. A system in search of maximizing profits for the shareholders. It doesn’t matter if an African village is left to die or walk 1.5 km to the nearest water source, if Nestle can sell you that water for 1 dollar when the salary there is 2 dollars per hour, that’s all that matters. Now, I don’t think I have to explain to you that worker exploitation is bad. But while this is a real extreme example. Just like the children making your iPhones, picking your cocoa and coffee beans, you are also exploited. If a corporation makes 4 billion a year, pays out its CEO with 3 million dollars, yet you make 600 bucks a month, you are being exploited. And the governments allowing this, makes it legal. Thus this is a violent systematic problem, affecting us all. So every single thing an employee can do to profit and not pay you, is inherently violent. And when this is at the very core of the philosophy of everything we do, then everything is violent by its nature as this is its system. And you can’t change your jobs out of it, or bootstrap yourself out of it. You can only join in the violence and start your own business, if the entrance level is low and exploit others.

You can mask it as incompetence, corruption, the free market, freedom of expression, political freedom, religious freedom, whatever you want to call it, this system is one with violence at its core. Remove the violence, the system is suddenly called something else. Because this system needs profit, profit needs exploitation of workers, exploitation of any kind if violent. So if we want to change this system, we need to change. We need to stop making excuses for what is. In no fair world, no matter how responsible one is, one should have access to everything and have all their rights, if they do not impede the rights and freedoms of others. And no, there is no right to be a bigot.

I promise we will talk what you can actually do and solutions some other time. But this two parter was about violence and most its forms. 

You can read post early on Nobody The Extra Blog with the tagline “I actually do love people very much, but…”