The Paradox of Change

Change happens with you or without you

Change, a thing that we have grappled with over the years, hell, since we’ve ever existed. Whether it’s politics or philosophy, whether we applied our thoughts regarding change or not, that one thing has always been debated, for better or for worse. But, as I developed my sense of the world and the sense of morality, for me change is a given. Whether you look at the history of man kind, the history of nature or even the universe, one thing is constant, change. This applies to people as well, whether we are talking at a global scale, a national scale, a societal scale, the scale of friendships and families over the years, and even at a very personal level, change is there constantly. You can fight change, you can try to keep the same, it won’t work. Change is going to happen with or without your consent. And I’m not even talking politically. Your clothes, if you wear them they will degrade with time, that’s a change. Your phone, the more you use it, the more it will degrade whether you want it or not. It all depends how much care you take of it. The same applies to your body as well. Yes, you can not control the prices of food, the external pressures or the actions of others, but you can still try to exercise, try to eat the best you can, incite a revolution, socialize, go out for a walk, topple the government, get a pet, you know… Stuff that might keep you healthier for longer. But even if you try your best to stay in the best shape, your body will change with or without your consent, for now, and you have no choice regarding that.

On a grander scale, this is what makes change scary for most people. This is one of the many dumb reasons people find conservatism so soothing, it’s the illusion of keeping things as they are, even if they do not care or want to participate in the violence of said system. These people have it well enough that change scares them into thinking that they might lose the peace and stability they have. They never had to think of change, because things always worked out for them and the changes they had to make were within the boundaries of said system. Yet it doesn’t make sense, because even those systems changed drastically. (The reasons they changed and how is a topic for another day.) Things improved, things changed, things were invented that made life easier. And inventions usually are changes to the world as we know it, especially those that have a broad impact. Like sliced bread, LSD, pornography or the internet, these inventions changed the world in some aspects, which we can’t take back anymore. And I doubt that any sane person would argue today that we should abolish these things and go back to the way things were before. So change is inescapable at every single level of your life. You progress whether you want it or not, you change whether you want it or not. The only thing you can do is either be a bystander and let it all go by you… Or be part of the change and have a positive impact…

Otherwise the world will leave you behind if you won’t participate in it, and this is not a hyperbole. If you never change, the world will change. Those around you will change and will leave you behind. And usually people like that will victimize themselves and will find solace in other people that are like them, stuck. Change is going to happen to you whether you want it or not. So there’s no reason to resist it. If you won’t change willingly, you’ll change unwillingly, that’s the paradox of change. If you remain the same person you were 3-5-10-15 years ago, as people around you progress, you will regress, which is still a change. And there is no positive connotation for regression. As I said, you can either be active in that change and take control, or you can let it be and regress as the world changes and progresses without you. And if you do not believe me, look at the things you feel good about in your life. They are the things where you’ve changed, you’ve gotten better at, you’ve truly learned about in depth. They won’t be the things you got stuck in and never changed. Because there is no such thing as no change… Everything changes… If you won’t… You’ll be worse for it…

I'm in a Minority: Why I Post the Obvious

Common sense isn’t common…

Part 1: Why I Post The Obvious

If you look at what I post whether on social media or on here for the past 3 years it all boils down to hate is bad and you should feel bad. Whether we are talking discrimination, genocide or any other kind of hate and violence. Or whether we are talking about the system that encourages and enforces this violence, which we will touch again on a bit later. Because this is always going to be part of the context in which exist and coexist in. And while I know that there are people agreeing with what I say or think and care for what I have to say or write. I have found myself many times coming face to face, sometimes in a literal manner, sometimes online, with people advocating for violence and hate. Whether it’s anecdotal with what I used to call friends or strangers. Weirdly enough, I have to keep brining things back to the essentials in these discussions. If genocide is bad, how can you defend the genocide of a group of people? If discrimination is bad, how can you advocate for it and tell us that some people shouldn’t exist because you don’t like them? If we all deserve the same human rights why are you championing for some to not have the same rights you do? If racism is bad why are you saying that these people are lesser than you? And I could go on an on an on with examples where people forgot the obvious, being hateful and bad is bad. I can bet that many people that disagree with me and my point of view think the same thing, yes, these things are bad, but many times their reaction, actions or thoughts are in contradiction with hate, discrimination and violence is bad. Why do I say this?

Part 2: Progress or the lack of it is painfully observable

Progress is easily trackable. Whenever there was a progressive step taken in our society and we made a change towards something better for all humans, you can see an uptick in a better standard of living. Yes, some progressive steps come from the wrong people and for the wrong reason, like the weekend, if you are to believe that Henry Ford gave workers Saturday as a free day in order to buy more cars and spend more money. And not because of the workers strike which coincidentaly happened at the same time. But the point remains, that whenever progressive policy is enacted, the quality of life goes up. Some of these could be affordable or housing for all, free healthcare for all, public transport first, better education, high paying minimum wage jobs, caps on profit margins for essential goods, high taxes for corporations, cap on bonuses for investors, chiefs and directors and managers of companies, wealth taxes, 15 minutes cities, and all these things that go for a kinder, better world for everyone which some people take as an attack on their freedom. Freedom to what? To do violence, to keep society divided and hateful and to keep the need for violence. And you can easily see this when liberals, conservatives or fascist gain any kind of power. Because they need a boogieman, whether it’s muslims, jews, brown people, black people, drug addicts, poor people, the LGBTQ+ community, people from neighboring countries which might be poorer and work for cheaper, or anyone else they can target to bring violence upon which they can justify by saying that those people steal their hard earned tax money or that those people are a threat to their freedom. Again, which freedom? Freedom to be and do violence. And whenever they are in control, the quality of life goes down. Inflation goes up, housing is unaffordable, healthcare becomes worse or less accessible, the quality of education goes down, and there is always turmoil and corruption at a very high level. The turmoil can come from their own brand of violence or from resistance to that violence. So when you put it in this context…

Part 3: I’m in a Minority

Why do I have this feeling? Because for the past 10 years there has been a lot of regressive policy, housing has become a dream for my generation and those that follow, hate crimes are on the rise again, we are witnessing multiple genocides and ethnic cleansings, there is war for the first time in 100 years in Europe, fascism is on the rise again, and I could go on and on about how this system created, breeds and festers hate for profit and thrives due to hate and violence. So when there is such a thing as a silent majority, or many people that can see “the both sides of the issue” or nimbys or people that discriminate against groups of people. And when you have to face those people day after day, it feels like saying the obvious needs to be done because there aren’t many people out there saying the obvious. If we all think that we have the right to afford housing, why are we saying that we need to work harder? When in the past 50 years all generations have been working more efficiently and better than ever before. Why instead of raising the quality of life for everyone, we punish those the system created by imprisoning them instead of giving them the means to thrive and not have the need to do crime? And there are many such examples I could go on about which sadden me. So when there are other kindred spirits I can’t help but want to stick to them and tell myself that I am normal and that this world is crazy and violente. Because hate and violence no matter how you want to justify it should not be the norm. And the resistance to that and the system that breeds is are not equivalent. And it seems that saying and posting the obvious is resistance, which is tragic and very much very silly.

PS This post is not to say that I am the savior of the world or have any kind of such complexion. Nor do I expect anything in return for my “bravery”. I am simply putting out what weighs deeply on my heart. And these posts are taking heavy burdens of my heart and my shoulders.

A Walking Garden

“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” -Frank A. Clark

There was always this silly idea that your body is a temple. I never really liked that idea, too many mixed messages. Then yesterday I read a quote from Frank A. Clark which inspired this post and on which I want to expand. 

We do not choose when we are born, we do not choose where we are born, we simply become into existence. We’re a piece of our parents which are a piece of their parents, and so on and so forth. While little we are taken care of, fed, clad, parasites weeded out, and we are given from the proverbial bosom of our guardians and those around things to plant in ourselves. Language, dialects, things we mimic, things that can only be called traumatic, things that will shape our future. Depending how lucky you are when born, you might have access to a lot of good quality neighbor plots, good quality fertilizer, and quality seedlings of ideas that might help you grown in a beautiful garden. If you are lucky enough to be rich, you will be none the wiser to the lesser. If you are born poor, you are none the wiser to the better for a big chunk of your life. But all these have an initial impact on who we are or will be. Of course, many people can change all together, have an epiphany that will have them take most the stuff and throw it out, only to replace it later…

This can happen many times during our lives. But at some point we are given the reins to ourselves and we have to decide what type of garden we want to be. This happens in a similar fashion for many others at the same time, which is why it is so important to be lucky enough to be sometimes just meet the right friend, partner, seedling, that will inspire, that will help you grow indirectly or directly. Yet that depends on where you were born, how you were grown and the circumstances surrounding you. But even more important than that is how self-aware you are of what you are. You can go your whole life thinking you are a statue in a world of gardens without realizing how much you are limiting yourself by being stubborn about all the wrong things and without being able to see through those marbled eyes you imposed on yourself. And when you do that, you won’t notice the pile of shit you are surrounded by which others have simply thrown upon you. You won’t notice the piss showers you are covered in. You won’t notice when others are toxic and spill that toxicity onto you and you yourself stop growing anything of beauty but rather start to spew that toxicity onto others as others have done onto you. And when everyone thinks they’re a statue, they all wither due to toxicity and an overabundance of shit. Now, if you manage to open those marble or stone eyes and find yourself in such a situation, you might still be able to grow yourself into a fine garden.

But to do so, there is a lot of weeding that needs to be done. There’s a lot of shit removal to be deal with, trauma that comes with all those weeds, shits and parasites that have over the years worn you down to their level and have toxified your roots and the earth beneath you. Those shitty seedlings need to be pulled out, and it will hurt and you will feel bad. But these things need to be dealt with if you want peace, if you want closure, if you want to grow yourself into a fine garden. But a fine garden should not be walled off, it should not be gated off, it should be open. So a breeze can pass through, so a gentle shower can come a water to help your growth with some constructive criticism so you can bask in the glory of the sun and a rainbow or heck, a double rainbow afterwards. So you can plant yourself such that when a storm comes you will be able to put yourself back together and they can admire you for your beauty, bravery to be good, to be decent and not to be toxic. Yes, we can’t be beautiful without help from others, but those others combined with their and your experiences is also something unique that can never be truly replicated. Yes, with years we lose some, we gain some, but a garden that stays the same and doesn’t grow becomes dull fast to look at over the years. And yes, everyone’s a garden, but only you know how you build yours, how you decorated yours, what has deep roots in yours, how complex and elaborate you are, which is what it can make it deeply unique and beautiful.

PS. Someone finally found the source of the photo used as a header for this story https://synoptical.tumblr.com/post/169235362084

Hate has Nothing

This is but a given, but hate has nothing.

It is rather a given that this is the next thought of mine after deciding what truth entails. And truth is devoid of hate. It is not devoid of emotion, because you can hurt, you can love, you can be in awe and have a great deal of emotions. But hate, has nothing to do with the truth, at least not in any constructive way. You can despise something, sure, such as hateful bigots or the taste of a vegetable. But any of the negative emotions we express, such a despising someone, repugnance at a group of people, and their rejection comes not from any real truth, it comes from fear and ignorance (and some other elements we don’t have time to discuss right now). And those have nothing to do with the truth. Because nothing is in a vacuum, everything is in context. And when you do not know the context, and judge outside it, you are judging it through the lens of ignorance, which has nothing to do with the truth. That’s why nazis, fascists of any kind, bigots, racists, xenophobes, anti-lgbtq+ people have no truth to their agenda. They all take a sliver of a truth and twist it into something bigger and untruthful. It all stems from fear, fearmongering, hate, ignorance, a culture of violence. Their “truth” has nothing to do with the willingness to engage in rationality, in reality, in fact, but rather in hate, ignorance, “their freedom and truth”. Which has nothing to do with real truth. Because reality does not happen in a vacuum, and for their agenda to work, you need a vacuum to dehumanize, to keep people ignorant, to keep the fire of hate going. And if you are to take that element of hate from their philosophy or agenda, you will not find much constructive there.

Whether we are talking social policy, constructive plans to develop their societies without the call for violence or any real thought as to what the consequences can be within an ethnostate. And besides the obvious horrible implications of an ethnostate as seen in UAE for example, and the possibility of genocide, I am simply talking economically. As most modern economies rely on immigration to bring on new workforce to supplement the lower wage jobs, usually. In an ethnostate, you have no such possibility morally no matter how you twist it. The only choice is more unwarranted violence, so you further divide your own people into groups in order to create an oppressed group which you can underpay and overwork. Because bringing outside workers is going to be seen as dirtying the waters. Which again, comes from hate, which has nothing to do with truth. Even the yesteryear violent regimes that created the seven wonders of the world, created them through a culture of violence. And while yes, the pyramids are to be admired, we are taking the wrong lessons from history over and over again. Which is why you always see fascists on social media rock a sculpture and admire history without any actual interest in reading and understanding it beyond their narrow little hateful world view. Which is to say hate creates nothing that makes a better place on purpose. Ironically, you can look at everything hateful and think and do the exact opposite of what they are doing.  And even in the beauty they create, it is not a beauty born of pure passion and love, in most cases, but it is the beauty of tragedy which is brought by the suffering of those that have created the works in an environment of violence and hate. Thus the cliche of the tortured artist that we have today, where we repeat to ourselves the lie that nothing can be achieved without struggle, especially the beauty of art.

This is to say that hate has truly nothing. You can not have relationships with hate. You can not have friends with hate. You can not have most things with hate. You can not create a better world through hate. Because hate is not spite, where you can thrive in spite of the violent world we live in and create beauty in spite of hate and violence. Hate does not leave a better world for those to come, because hate is personal, it’s selfish, it doesn’t really care for community, unless it’s a community of hateful bigots committing and discussing hate and violence. And I know that spite works both way, my point was that spite isn’t a one way street unlike hate. Hate is destructive in nature. It has nothing to do with being constructive. Everything that is constructed is in spite of, not because of hate. You can not understand the world through hate, because hate has nothing to do with truth, fact, rationality and empathy. Once you remove hate from the equation there really is nothing left there for a lot of people. And once you realize this, that everything you have is due to the lack of hate, not because of it, you will see the world in a completely new and different way. Because this simple realization is enough to change your whole world perspective.

Truth is SIMPLE

Truth has everything to do with love…

For the past 10 years I have been on a journey due to the privilege I have. The privilege to know who I am, to have had the chance to learn that and have had the support in order to go on that journey. I am not the person I was 13 years ago or 8 years ago or the person I was 3 years ago. Writing and having this job of creation, asking questions, reading, listening, informing myself and drawing inspiration for my stories from all facets of life brings out a lot out of one. Then 2 years ago I have had the opportunity to start a new job where I don’t only have to ponder free speech more objectively, but I also have to abide by international law when it comes to what people can and can not post. This has brought me a lot of insight in how even more people think, act and behave. But this also put in me in front with certain philosophical questions regarding free speech, consent, mal intent and mistakes due to ignorance. Not just that but it continuously puts me face to face with points of view that disagree or contradict mine. And for better or for worse in some cases, I was lucky or unlucky enough to always have someone to disagree with me. Whether I was 5, 15, 25, or now in my 30s there is always someone there to tell me that I either don’t know what I am talking about, tell me I’m wrong or just contradict me for the sake of contradicting me. And this next sentence is depressing, but I do not know any person in my life with whom I spent enough time with at some point not to call me stupid. So I was always faced with opinions I did not like, I did not care to see or hear or straight up insults and now, I have learned if there is no one to contradict me, where to find those voices easily, in order to check myself, before I wreck myself. So the past ten years have been a very arduous process for me. From writing four books about self-criticism of past mistakes, points of views and down right stupidity, to actually trying to take accountability for that behavior while trying to change my behavior and outlook on things. Or try to work on some of my insecurities that were born out of other people’s betrayal of me. I won’t go into that right now, but I’d love to come back to write about that and what changed some time in the future. Point being that this whole text here is not here in order for me to humble brag how great I am or the work I did in order to try to do all these improvements. It’s so what comes next makes sense, this was just context on why I believe some truths are simple.  And if you read my guide to being a good person or we’re not ready for progress or misunderstood control, you might have a guess what’s coming next or why that is what it is.

The truth is simple!

And here’s a guide to truth.

1. Truth has nothing to do with Hate, Hate Crimes, Hate speech, Oppression, Discrimination, Genocide, Violence of any kind against innocent and oppressed people, Racism, Xenophobia, Sexism on both sides, Homophobia, Transphobia or any kind of targeted discrimination and hate.

When I say truth has nothing to do with these, I mean that there is no reason to subject anyone innocent people to any of this. There is no way in any lifetime at any point in history to justify this behavior against any one innocent people. I do not mean that these things do not exist, they clearly exist and are very true to some people.

Why start with this? Because once you remove all these  things, a clearer picture arises. One where you do not blame and individual group of people for their actions, but you start to see the context, the actual and historical context of those that do violence and why they do it. Not that it is acceptable, but you might understand the root of it and how to deal with it.

This also implies other forms of violence such as justifying people not getting paid their fair share, justifying people’s lack to rights to buy homes by citing stupid things like “demand and supply”. Or justifying overpaying for groceries for the same reason. Or bringing up “inflation” and telling others they don’t know  anything about "the economy”.

And no, hate and violence in self-defense against an oppressive force or anyone believing and any of the things that have nothing to do with truth, as mentioned in point 1 is not a hate crime, discrimination or violence, is self-defence.

As you can see ignorance is clearly a factor in all these things that have nothing to do with the truth. Because in order to be on the side of truth, you need to be well informed and challenge your points of view. Which is a thing most people probably do not care to do, whether it’s due to a system that overworks them, or because it is a violent system that forces them to comply in order to survive. 

Obviously when you are ignorant you are more easily lied to and manipulated into these types of behaviors.

Well… That was easy. Who knew truth would be so simple?

Of course it’s not quite that easy, some truths are very complex and need a greater effort to be understood. But if everyone can simply look at their beliefs, and remove those things, their life will get easier. You don’t even have to understand them. You just have to abstain from having such beliefs and abstain from justifying such horrific behavior.

Whether you are in the oppressed and victim column, where you can justify your rage against the machine clearer. Not that it should need justification, as oppression, hate and everything mentioned you might fight against is unjustifiable. Or whether you are that which is in power and is justifying violence because you see your violence as natural and normal, compared to those that are hitting in self-defence, you might find that is quite easy to drop those things and do not require much effort, if you really have a heart and some compassion left. Not that you should have believed this things in the first place, yet they are the product of the system we participate in, and these things tend to be normalized and the victims dehumanized.

Because again, no such behavior can EVER be justified.

PS. Hopefully I do not have to spell it out and to write that obviously lies have nothing to do with the truth.

We're not Ready for Progress

Change is scariest when you are comfortable… And we are way too comfortable.

I do not believe that I have to repeat nor indulge myself in the usual trope of capitalism bad, people comfortable, people lazy, people ungrateful, people ignorant, people bad, people stupid, people uneducated. Yes a lot of those would be true, but most of those are the fault of the system we have in place that instead of helping people be better, get better, help themselves, it keeps them in a spire of misery. Yes, the system is also created by humans, and not an unknown entity with immovable laws. The laws and systems we live under are movable and can change. Yet, this takes a lot of courage. Courage many do not have. And while my brief introduction would lead you to believe that this is due to comfort, that’s not the entire story. That’s just something to draw you into the rest of this ramble. The honest truth is that there’s a large portion of this problem that comes from fear of the unknown. Change, and more precisely systemic change is an unknown. It brings anxieties with it and a lot of unanswered questions. Yes, of course, we have the answer to a lot of things and we can learn a lot, have learned a lot, from what doesn’t work with the current system. But, corruption can always undermine changes. Because it would mean a blind trust that not just a system can change, but that people can also change. Something that is rather tough to sell to anyone. And while anecdotal evidence is out there, if you are to ask most people, they will tell you they do not believe a person can usually change for the better. And so we’ve arrived at the reason for this whole post… We’re NOT Ready for Progress…

Prisons shouldn’t exist. Yes, at all. Prisons do not solve problems. Prisons do not help people be better people. At best, prisons scare people into not wanting to comit other crimes. But most people that go through the prison system, usually, become repeat offenders. Why? Because it doesn’t solve any of the problems to begin with. And what’s worse, in some countries even after they serve their sentence those people get out with fewer rights and with fewer opportunities. Which is why they often become repeat offenders. Instead of rehabilitation, you get persecution once you have finished your sentence. If you are from the US of A, this just might be the case for you. But that isn’t to say that the rest of the world is doing a better job. While the nordic countries are getting as close as possible to what we should be doing, it’s not perfect either. Because either way, we do not fix the systemic issues that bring crime. These things are a innate failure of the system and we should be very unhappy about it. And if your prison system is for profit, you should be livid with rage, especially if the prisoners also work for pennies as slave labor. 

Yes, personal responsibility is a thing, but unless you personally choose when and where and to whom you are born. Most of the things in your life are predetermined by the system. Meaning that any person is born to a predetermined set of options in their lifetime, as infinite as that might seem, it is quite restrictive. If you are born in a poor country, if you are born in a poor city, if you are born in a poor neighborhood but in a wealthy city, if you are born in the country side away from possibilities, these things predetermine most of your life. To get out of these situations in the current system necessitate an herculean effort. Whether it’s in terms of money, time spent doing things or just the mental pressure, there’s a lot hinging on you changing your life if you are born to struggle. Considering you can’t just move into a richer town or a richer country easily, and you can’t just meet the right person to give you a hand to help you pull yourself out poverty. Some of these things can be literally impossible. Pair that with poor education, lack of access, racism, xenophobia, abuse, an uncaring system, people’s disposition to not believe in change for good. And you have this whole disaster.

Which is why I believe prisons shouldn’t exist. It’s hypocritical. If we are to believe that most people are kind, caring, loving, compassionate, empathetic and good-willed, then we should believe not in punishment, but in rehabilitation and fixing the problems that cause crime to happen. And it would be great if we were to deal with those in the following order: poverty or badly paying jobs, corruption, lack of opportunity and mobility, lack of public transport, lack of mental health help and basically lack to a good living standard, affordable housing, affordable quality food and quality free time. These are the things we should actually focus on, rather than just punish people and believing in fairy tales that they might suddenly turn their lives around. It isn’t going to happen. Their circumstances didn’t change. The place they live in is the same, no matter how many years they spend behind bars, if you send them back into the same environment, with the same lack of everything, they are going to relapse, because we never really gave them a chance. And this is just one small example of a reflection of ourselves and how we see ourselves. We do not trust in ourselves to be good, decent people. And this shows in how we systematically think about crime in an archaic way. Basically shouting everyone is a criminal, everyone needs to be punished, everyone needs to suffer, and only a chose few deserve better. Which is ridiculous, not because it isn’t true, but because we’re punishing and dooming ourselves to suffer like we’re sado-masochistic freaks. My point is that in order for progress to be made we need to treat ourselves better believe that we deserve better, be better and believe that there’s better out there for us. Only once we do that we might have the courage to change and be the change we want to see in this world.

Privilege of the Written Words

Nobody the Blog RSS

I can do what you can’t - Privilege

Whether it is money, money that enables time to do what you want. Sacrifices, things you can let go or manage to do what you want. Other people’s sacrifice for you to do as you please. Or simply living in a system that does not bother you as it bothers those less fortunate or those it deems inferior, these things are the base of what privilege is. And this day and age these things extend to one ridiculous extent. Because today privilege can mean drinking clean water, eating, managing rent, nevermind owning a home or getting rich. These are things that shouldn’t be privileges, they are human rights considering the excess of wealth and resources we have. But that is not the point of this, the whole ordeal was to set some clear definition to what privilege looks like from my point of view. Yes, it might not be comprehensive or complete, but again, that is not the point. What this hopes to do is to create an understanding, nothing more, nothing less.

To each their own, for those who can afford their own - Privilege

Socializing will bring you around people, some you might like, some you might not. But each of those people might have similar tastes, behaviors, thoughts and wills. If they were to be put on an axis, most of them will have lived similar lives around that line in the middle. This is, of course, tied to the amount of privilege a person has. Which is, of course, tied to what family you are lucky to be born in or where you are lucky or unlucky to be born. As this can vary wildly, even within the same country. Where you can be born poor in the city, but be provided with certain privileges cities bring with them. Or you can be born in a 100 people village two hours from any city without much opportunity. Or even in the same city, it might vary wildly. But, those people you meet will have a choice of what to do with their free time. Whether they are starving or do not have to think about the next month, technically speaking there’s time where you are free to do as you please, in what you can afford. So, people of course, do different things, as they derive pleasures from things you might find disgusting or do not float your boat. So, some choose to binge shows, some choose to work out, some choose to do whatever, but this is also privilege. And the fact that this also belongs to privilege, was the point, but we each choose different things to do with that time.

I chose to know, I chose to think, I chose the privilege of the written words.

As people choose to do whatever in their free time, the writer can do plenty of many things with their privilege. Some construct a world without any thought of the real world, a pure fiction without any ties to how the real world works. Some, like me, use reality to create something different to bring out different ideas and dissect the human behavior in order to turn a mirror to their silly and hurtful behavior. Some, are all in reality, writing non-fiction, getting dirty, getting the facts as close to the events as possible. So, even within the privilege of the writer there are many that choose to do many things in different ways. And we’ve arrived at the point of this. Something people do not think about or choose not to about the writer and his process. That is fine, they do not have to, it is not their job to do so. But I, as a writer, have privileges and I am here to explain those privileges as many see them as simply ego wanting to be better than others. And as disingenuous the next part might sound, it is meant to simply clarify something very simple. And if you please to think about the next part carefully, you might find that what follows is simply something a writer has to do, as it is in their job description.

This is my privilege.

As a writer, I have the privilege of sitting unbothered and research. As a writer, I have the privilege of informing myself about everything and anything at anytime and think those things through for as long as I please. As a writer, I have the privilege to take time to put those thoughts, feelings, ideas down on paper and for as long as I want. As a writer, I have the privilege, to know more than anyone should know, about things that many do not think about, read about or care about. And not that a writer will ever be an expert on any of those things, but a writer has the privilege to know a lot of things, read a lot of things. And due to the fact that a writer creates stories about anything from nothing, can lead them to inform themselves about anything, which leads them to know things. For example, there are over 40 million modern slaves, automobile manufacturers admitted last year that they are keeping the inflated prices for profit, people thought the eyes were projecting light in the past, zoologists have difficulty telling apart the male and female hyenas.  And I could probably go on with random facts to give examples, but that is not the point. As this is meant only to showcase the wide variety of things you can know, with the privilege of the writer. This is a small pool, but this is already a long winded post about the privilege I and other writers have. And how the only difference between what we know and what you know, is the choices we make in what we do with our free time. You can apply every single point I made here to doctors, engineers, IT people, mechanics and all other jobs or hobbies where knowing a certain specific thing is needed.  Nor is supposed to make anyone feel bad for their choices, writers to not know everything, nor does anyone else, nor maybe should you. This was simply something to show the privilege writers have in their endeavors.

Guide to Being a Good Person

I do not really care about your philosophy on life, what your religion is or whatever negative thoughts you might have about the following words. But, if you do feel called out or offended by anything I have written here, it is a good time to reconsider who you are and who you think you are. Not because this is a personal attack, I do not know you. And as per the title of this blog, I am a Nobody in the grand order of things. If you just might kindly or rudely disregard every word from here on out. Which is full on your right to do so. Just because you or I, have the freedom of expression, does not mean that I or you, have the right to the attention of anyone for that matter… Unless you instigate terrorism or hate crimes, in which case you do deserve the full attention of the authorities..

So, you probably are a horrible person, welcome. You are not alone, nor will you ever be alone in this regard. But over the course of my short life, compared to others that have lived for over 80 years and have seen some stuff, I can say that I have seen enough to draw some conclusions on my own just like you drew yours. And considering that by societal standards I am an adult, I have thought to take those conclusions and write them down. Well, I had this idea for a long time, but never really had the wording right or all thoughts in order. Now after all that said, since you probably are a horrible person, you might want to be a better person. And that is going to be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, if you decide to do it and become a better person. Not that I am an expert, but as I said, I do have some ideas.

So, what makes a person good or bad? Well, the simplest version would be the following comparison, good is like light. Bad is like darkness, meaning the lack of light, or by this logic the lack of good. So being good means not being bad. But you might say that everyone has a different size for what bad is or what good is. You can’t fit everyone in one convenient definition. Well, I just did, unless you see in darkness like you would during a sunny day, well, good for you, but I think you might be a mutant with special abilities.

So, you gave up and accepted what I wrote there, which is why you are reading this. And now you are asking yourself where I’ll actually start this guide. Which is here. Because if good is the lack of bad, then we can draw some lines in the sand. And for what is in the actual line, meaning those gray areas, well, those remain sort of debatable, but for another time. The same applies to punishment regarding bad people and their actions. And if you think, but I know that I am not a good person and that’s okay… Well, let me tell you that is not, and you should change because, you knowing that fact is not a free pass to be an asshole, you are simply part of the problem.

Yet the guide is very simple. It has rules as ancient as speaking or writing. So here’s how to be a good person. By the way, if you find yourself being one of those people mentioned below, please do seek professional help or talk to your friends or family about these things. Unless your friends and family reassure you that it is okay to be a bad person, in which case you need better friends and a new family.

1. Do not hate* - If you hate consenting people that love each other, yet do no harm to minors as adults, or do not harm animals, well, you are a bad person no matter what your religion, faith, whomever tells you whatever. If you hate people because they disagree with you and you think they are your oppressors because everything is too “PC” and “cancel culture is out to get you” because you can’t say the n-word or bully or be hateful towards someone, you’re a bad person no matter what your religion, faith, whomever tells you.

   *this however does not apply to hating nazis/fascists, any type of nationalists aka xenophobes, racists, homophobes and so on and so forth. Because hating those people is fine. Hate should NEVER be tolerated. But Nobody, aren’t you doing the same? Well, no. There is a major difference between someone that hates people and doesn’t want a group of people to not have rights because. And someone that hates the group of people and doesn’t want them to have rights. Because hate and harming innocent people should NEVER be tolerated.

2. Do not harm others** - If you harm others physically, emotionally, psychologically, you are a bad person. Abuse is abuse, whatever its form is. Your freedom, be it that of speech or otherwise ends when you hurt others. Or if you are a danger to yourself and those around you. This, of course, if I wasn’t clear enough, includes discrimination. So, if you say that some people are lazy or that they deserve it. And so on and so forth, you are hurting their chances for upward mobility, because now you are someone that whether willing or unwilling is standing in their way, due to your attitude and action.

   **this however does not apply to people that are violent in their actions or speech. By this, I do not mean that people should intervene to punish them or give them a taste of their own medicine, but what I mean is that the authorities should do their job and restrain them from harming anyone.

That’s it. See? Easy. These should be the norm, considering that we’re in 2022. Not an abstract thought that I have on a Thursday evening after years of debate with myself about what makes a person good or bad. And if you are still thinking “but what about what I want”. Or if you think you are justified in what or how you think… Then fuck off, kindly. Live in the woods, by yourself with no one around to judge you for the horrible person you are. As long as you have: plumbing, running water, electricity, the internet, live in a house you haven’t built yourself, eat and buy stuff you haven’t grown yourself, pay taxes, drive cars. As long as you are surrounded by other people and profit and make use of what other people made… You can either choose to be a good person… Deal with the hate you are getting back or fuck off. These are my honest thoughts that have been bubbling up in me for over a decade now. And I am glad to have them out and about.

De-Connected

It is not that I do not think of myself as human. It is more that I might have a different relationship to the definition of human is. The more we have learned about nature, how we connect and differ from it. Or even how we ourselves work as humans. There have been many that tried to make sense of it and our place in all of this. Meaning that the things you are about to read are neither new or inventive in any regard, but it is my own personal experience about being human or rather, being my own self.

At some point, some time, I don’t think I can pinpoint it with precision or accuracy when it happened, but I was more than myself. I de-connected with the traditional or the normal. Or at least I think that way because it just might be something that not many speak of or admit to it. But I am more than certain that there is a term for it in psychology, which obviously I do not know.

What do you think you are?

How would you describe yourself?

How do you see yourself?

What is your perception of what you are? Or better yet, who are you?

What are you to the human form?

What makes you you? Or to put even more simply, how are you different as a human?

I think that we both have different answers to these questions. Even if you never asked these things, because let’s be honest, why would you? A life can be lived without the need for any of these questions to be asked in the first place.

But you see, that’s exactly the things I have asked myself at some point. And I had to, because I felt… Weird… For a lack of a better word. I rarely care for how I looked. I was glad I was in shape and that I could run, but that never was just me or how I was. Even back, if you asked me what I thought I was or how I were to describe myself, I would’ve never have told you anything about myself that was physical. And if you’d ask me how I’d see myself, I’d probably tell you something really based only in wish fulfilment. But even then, I wouldn’t refer to anything bodily. And then something happened when I was 18. Someone asked me who are you? And suddenly all these things that I had answered until now seemed silly, nonsensical or pointless.

It took me years to try and figure that out. I was already de-connected by the time I had been asked that question, but it was after I was asked that I started to unravel and realize that I had been de-connected this whole time.

From the first time I remember being lied to by people important in my life. To the first time I role played characters I’ve seen on TV on my own. To the point I started writing to figure things out. Somewhere, at some point in my life, I de-connected.

I wasn’t just a boy or a man with its flesh and rawness. I was just a brain, in a body. Or worse, just a conscience in a meat brain in an avatar I haven’t chosen for myself. With flaws that did not and do not make sense to me to this day. Why after tens of thousands of years do teeth rot or get cavities? Why did we not evolve better? Why do our eyelashes betray us and blind us by poking us in the eye? Why do we have one hole for breathing and food to go down through? And on and on, I could go regarding this peak design we call a human body.

After a while, I had found what I wanted to do, yet that did not help much. The problems were only starting. There was much for me to learn, to understand, to unravel. That’s all I knew what to do. Ask questions, read, listen, think, overthink, make mistakes, and then repeat the whole cycle again. After years of doing this, I could confidently say that I cared little to none about my body. Of course, that had consequences. Both on my health and how I looked. But, as long as it didn’t interfere with what I was doing, I wouldn’t matter much. I was happy.

Yet then came a moment when I had to look myself in the mirror. Not that I ever cared much to do so, in the first place. But the moment I felt uncomfortable in my body, was the moment I had to face that part of reality, that physical body. And after years, I could not recognize the man in the mirror. I was an adult, I was me, but I never seen much of me. Not that I hadn’t been taking selfies or pictures with people or avoiding such things. But once they were done, I wouldn’t really look at them or myself for more than a second. All that was of no consequence or matter to me. Because it wasn’t bringing any real value in my life. The value that I started to treasure was learning, reading, entertaining myself with tv shows, movies, comics, cartoon, writing, gaming, anything that had to do with my eyes and mind rather than my body. That is not to say that I was never listening to my body, it had its needs, I had my needs, but I always knew how to deal with them. Growing up poor does that to a person.

It is weird to be so de-connected from your own self in a sense. Especially your own body. It feels like you are taking for granted something that is very much finite. Because once you remember death, the dread of losing the body hits first. Then it’s the dread of losing yourself, all you were. Well, at least that is the case for me. Even now, after years of crippling anxiety, panic attacks, depression, impostor syndrome, overthinking, and other thing that I either learned to manage, learned to simply let go or to deal with, I still have to remind myself that I am de-connected. That maybe I should re-connect. Take care of the finite time I have with this body or else I’ll make that time even shorter.

And you might guess that this might stem from a need to escape, to run, to hide, but there’s not much I can do the things that give me anxiety. There’s not much I can do about climate change, the terrible choices people make voting, the terrible choices those that were voted in make regarding almost everything, corruption, the rise of fascism and nationalism like we didn’t just go through a world war regarding that exact same thing 80 years ago and like we didn’t just go through a cold war over 30 years ago now. And regarding my personal problems, there’s not much I can do there either. I just have to take a day at a time and create a better place for myself wherever I am. The mistakes I made, I can’t help anymore considering that I can’t change the past. If you fixed them, took accountability for it, there’s nothing else but move on. If there’s a lesson to learn there, good. If there wasn’t, then you’ll probably remember it as a cringe memory at an inopportune time sometime down the line.

I don’t think there’s anything to explain regarding my de-connection. Whether it’s the why, how or when. It somehow became just another thing I have to learn to live with. And I don’t think I’d have it any other way, considering my anxiety and the fact that I have a small case of being hypochondriac.

So, after this many words, I don’t know if there’s anything else to do, but de-connect. Recharge and tomorrow… Do try again.

Goodbye…

A Note of Death An Unofficially Unlicensed Short Story

Hey, Ry. Is that what we should call you now? Ry? asks G. Yes. And I shall call you G from now on. I find it rather fascinating and though a bit confusing, yet fascinating, says Ry. Why do I get a letter but you get two now? asks G. R sounds boring, Ry sounds more mysterious. I like it more, says Ry. Say, Ry, have you ever thought of diversifying the places you visit? asks G. What do you mean? asks Ry. Have you tried the old continents? asks G. Hmm… Never really thought of it much. Used to have a lot of fun there a hundred years ago or so. Brilliant idea, G. I shall bring you a golden apple or maybe one of those green ones, says Ry as he takes off. Did you really have to do that? You know what may be waiting for him, says De. Oh look at you, two letter brothers holding out for each other, says G as he too takes his leave. You know you can simply not play the game if you do not like it, G, says De.

Some months later…

Tsk, he says as he leaves. With a frown on his face he looks down at the ground and in front of him a booklet seems to appear. The black cover, the text on it seems unreal. Pick it up, a voice commands him. As he leans down he sees the weird text and picks it up. Opening the notebook he sees a bunch of rules written down. He starts to flip through the book as he sees torn pages, names, Japanese writing he does not understand, some ripped pages. Well, what do you think? asks Ry as he stands in front of him. He looks up to see those wicked eyes, those long arms, the weird wings, and a smile to not be forgotten. Is any of this real or did I finally lose it? he asks. Why aren’t you freaked out? Usually people do not find my particular style appealing, says Ry. I don’t have an answer for you that won’t sound depressing, so let’s just say I’ve seen some stuff, he responds. So, what does a failed… Everything… Have in mind with that notebook? I have been watching you for a while clicking your tongue at this and that. You are rather fascinating. Smart enough to know when someone or something is wrong, but not smart enough to know how to use it to gain the power you seek, says Ry. So you are giving me a chance at wish fulfillment with this, is what you are saying, he responds. Clever, knew you’d understand. Yes, that is exactly what I am giving you. Now give me a show, I can see the gears turning inside that pretty little head of yours. It’s all I can ask for. Well, that and apples, says Ry. We’ve got a deal, he says as he rips an empty page from the notebook and stuffs it in his pocket.

I have some questions, he says to Ry. Can’t you simply use it and find out exactly what it does? asks Ry. Do you want a show or a whimper? he retorted. Fine, but you better give me something great in return, says Ry. Does anyone else have this type of notebook right now, right here on this planet? he asks. Not that I know off. Right now it’s only me, says Ry. You know, I heard about this notebook. It was all over the news here too when things went down in Japan. That must have been a fun time for you, he says. Mmm, yes. So it was, says Ry. I have a question about you. What are you? A god of death? You look different from the gods I read about. And what are you powers? Can you see my lifespan? Can you kill me? Or do you just observe? he asks. Yes, you could call me that. And let’s just say I can do lots of interesting things, responds Ry. So, I’ll take all that as a yes. Good, let’s get you some apples and let me buy some stuff to test what writing is, he says. Aren’t you ever going to ask me for my name? asks Ry. Why? I’ll make history, you’ll have your show and besides, you’ll be gone soon either way, he responds. So quite a grand plan you must be having to be done with this so soon, says Ry. Well, if what I think works, then yeah. It’ll be short, but it’ll be a blast, he says smirking.

Here are your apples. Bought a few kilos, hope they’ll keep you satiated for a while, he says as he sits down at his desk. What’s that weird glossy paper for? asks Ry. You see, with this paper you can write on it, put it over another piece of paper and it will nicely copy everything from one to the other, he explains. Oh, now that’s impressive, says Ry. You see, when things were happening over there I always thought he was inefficient. Of course you are going to get caught with pinpoint precision if your scope is that shallow. But then again, he was a teenager. Maybe if he had time to mature a little his scope would’ve broaden. That’s why I promised you a big show with a loud bang, but with a quick sendoff, he explains. Well consider me intrigued, says Ry as he bites an apple in half. He takes a pen, writes down a name and presses then the paper to the notebook. Oh, an actor. That’s very brave of you as a first death to note down, says Ry. Well, I have to see if it works quickly, he responds as he opens Twitter. Interesting strategy. Glad to have picked you, says Ry. That’s high praise. Thank you, he responds as the name of the person pops up and is trending a few minutes later. Bingo! Now onto the next test, he says with pride.

What’s that? asks Ry. A printer. But more specifically an ink printer. So, let’s see if this works, he says as he prints on that thin paper and then applies it to the notebook. This is what you meant to test what writing is, says Ry. Exactly. And if this works, we’re going to be doing this tonight and when the sun will shine, tomorrow morning, you’ll probably be leaving me with a changed world, he responds. As he finishes that sentence that name starts to trend as well. Perfect, he says. So what now? asks Ry. Now I am going to get a VPN, setup a virtual machine, start an excel sheet. And then write the name of every politician, every criminal that is known right now to have caused death or any harm to people and that is pushing and marginalizing large groups of people. But, they are going to be randomized on each type of this page and then put down in this notebook. And when the sun rises, we’ll have thousands of criminals dead. Not that I’ll know what will happen afterwards. Not that I’ll know how the world will react to it all. Not that I know if this will change anything for the better. But sure as hell this will send a message out there and some form of wicked justice will prevail for now, he says. You know, you could do this over and over again, if you wished so, says Ry. No, once is enough. I just might kill the wrong person or dig myself into a hole. I don’t want that. I want to see what effect this will do, if any. If there are other dictators to rise out of this situation, if the people do not take charge of this opportunity, then there is truly no hope for us as a species, he says.

After a long night, the skies slowly start to lighten up. So, are you ready god of death? he asks with a bunch of freshly printed papers ready to press them down in the notebook. As ready as I’ll ever be, says Ry with a devilish smile on his face. Well, after testing how many names on a page will work, I think this will be smooth sailing, he says while laughing after turning on the TV on a news channel to see the chaos unfold in real time with Twitter also opened on his monitor. Slowly but surely the news starts to come out that dictators, government officials, police officers, prime-ministers, oligarchs, corrupt news show presenters and every type of other criminal starts dying. One after another, the news cycle and the internet can’t keep track of the many deaths that are occurring. Whether it’s accidents or suicides, it seems chaos is completely taking over the world. Ry starts laughing. Incredible. You are truly incredible. So much death. So much confusion. Oh to think someone could pull all of this off, says Ry enthusiastically. Well, here you go, he says after scribbling on the piece of paper he ripped out from the notebook. What? asks Ry. I promised you a show. You got a show. Here’s your notebook. I have to burn this papers together with my laptop and printer. Enjoy the chaos, he says. Ry remains baffled at everything that is happening. As he throws the papers into the fire, together with it is the paper from the notebook which states that he should die 15 minutes before his lifespan is to end in sleep.

Hope you liked this longer short story based on a popular story for which I do not have the rights to, which is why I changed names and never really named anyone directly from that series. But Shueisha, if you wanna do a collab on this, I’d love it. Because I can easily expand this story in a manga format, if you can borrow me some talent that can draw. I wanted to write this because I had this idea while thinking what I’d do, if I had that coveted notebook and it seemed like a cool idea that remains very open ended in a way.