“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” -Frank A. Clark
There was always this silly idea that your body is a temple. I never really liked that idea, too many mixed messages. Then yesterday I read a quote from Frank A. Clark which inspired this post and on which I want to expand.
We do not choose when we are born, we do not choose where we are born, we simply become into existence. We’re a piece of our parents which are a piece of their parents, and so on and so forth. While little we are taken care of, fed, clad, parasites weeded out, and we are given from the proverbial bosom of our guardians and those around things to plant in ourselves. Language, dialects, things we mimic, things that can only be called traumatic, things that will shape our future. Depending how lucky you are when born, you might have access to a lot of good quality neighbor plots, good quality fertilizer, and quality seedlings of ideas that might help you grown in a beautiful garden. If you are lucky enough to be rich, you will be none the wiser to the lesser. If you are born poor, you are none the wiser to the better for a big chunk of your life. But all these have an initial impact on who we are or will be. Of course, many people can change all together, have an epiphany that will have them take most the stuff and throw it out, only to replace it later…
This can happen many times during our lives. But at some point we are given the reins to ourselves and we have to decide what type of garden we want to be. This happens in a similar fashion for many others at the same time, which is why it is so important to be lucky enough to be sometimes just meet the right friend, partner, seedling, that will inspire, that will help you grow indirectly or directly. Yet that depends on where you were born, how you were grown and the circumstances surrounding you. But even more important than that is how self-aware you are of what you are. You can go your whole life thinking you are a statue in a world of gardens without realizing how much you are limiting yourself by being stubborn about all the wrong things and without being able to see through those marbled eyes you imposed on yourself. And when you do that, you won’t notice the pile of shit you are surrounded by which others have simply thrown upon you. You won’t notice the piss showers you are covered in. You won’t notice when others are toxic and spill that toxicity onto you and you yourself stop growing anything of beauty but rather start to spew that toxicity onto others as others have done onto you. And when everyone thinks they’re a statue, they all wither due to toxicity and an overabundance of shit. Now, if you manage to open those marble or stone eyes and find yourself in such a situation, you might still be able to grow yourself into a fine garden.
But to do so, there is a lot of weeding that needs to be done. There’s a lot of shit removal to be deal with, trauma that comes with all those weeds, shits and parasites that have over the years worn you down to their level and have toxified your roots and the earth beneath you. Those shitty seedlings need to be pulled out, and it will hurt and you will feel bad. But these things need to be dealt with if you want peace, if you want closure, if you want to grow yourself into a fine garden. But a fine garden should not be walled off, it should not be gated off, it should be open. So a breeze can pass through, so a gentle shower can come a water to help your growth with some constructive criticism so you can bask in the glory of the sun and a rainbow or heck, a double rainbow afterwards. So you can plant yourself such that when a storm comes you will be able to put yourself back together and they can admire you for your beauty, bravery to be good, to be decent and not to be toxic. Yes, we can’t be beautiful without help from others, but those others combined with their and your experiences is also something unique that can never be truly replicated. Yes, with years we lose some, we gain some, but a garden that stays the same and doesn’t grow becomes dull fast to look at over the years. And yes, everyone’s a garden, but only you know how you build yours, how you decorated yours, what has deep roots in yours, how complex and elaborate you are, which is what it can make it deeply unique and beautiful.
PS. Someone finally found the source of the photo used as a header for this story https://synoptical.tumblr.com/post/169235362084