Fate’s a bitch, and I hate her, I mutter to myself as I watch that day’s horoscope. It’s been ten years since it last happened, and here we are again. They predict that another wipe out will commence soon. I swear, these assholes like to see the world burn and chaos take over. Every year since then, they predicted it, and yet, nothing happened. As these thoughts rush through my head, a stench reaches my nose. Ugh, my felt smells again, I utter as I put my nose to my arm to smell it. Disgusted I go into the bathroom and start a bath, like every single day. At least I ain’t got no horns, or a fish tail, I think to myself as I catch a flea trying to jump off me. No fucking wonder why I itch like this. When the fuck did I get these on me? I ask exasperated. Where was this in yesterday’s horoscope? You might have gotten fleas from some idiot that can’t be bothered to shower. Annoyed, I go check that day’s fortune, before bathing.
“You benefit from a lighter, fresher perspective after heavy energy recently…” Bullshit, I say while continuously scratching myself. “You feel freer and more spontaneous as you interact with others, whether in person or through writing.” Right, sure… Whatever. “There can be interesting things to learn from a sibling, classmate, child, or friend.” Sounds nice, but then again, I’m stuck here. And no one ever comes to visit. “News from a love interest could be pleasantly unexpected.” Oh, hear that Handy? I ask whilst laughing. We’re going to learn and find something new about you today. I continue laughing as I move towards the bath. A violent knock on the door. Open up! A voice shouts. Bewildered and curious, I wait a second as another few hard knocks hit the door and the voice shouts again asking to open the door. I try to peek through the peephole, but all I see is black. I said open up, already! I fling open the door, ready to fight whoever is in front of me. A red claw grabs my neck and lifts me up.
Now, now, that’s no way to treat a friend and a brother. Unable to breath properly, I raise my hand and flip him off. You’re right, I’m sorry for being so rude, he says as he hugs me. You know I mean you no harm, but then again, you’re always so rambunctious. I scoff and ask him what he wants. Look, I need your talents. Hearing this leaves me baffled. What talents? What are you talking about? He smiles, looks around, sees that the TV is on. Oh, well. I think you did hear what they said, right? And I assume you heard your horoscope, didn’t you? Well, of course you have. He says whilst laughing. Someone is trying to replicate what happened ten years ago. Basically, they want to tempt fate. In my head questions start to bubble up and my mouth starts to ask. Replicate? How? How do you tempt fate? He smiles once again. That’s what I want to ask you. As you can see, we each are born with a feature of our zodiac sign. I have this disgusting crab arm, you have your hairy upper body. We don’t die, except when… Well, you know… When all the members of a zodiac sign suddenly die. And that’s why we need you…
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