I have a problem, I am stuck again. It's disturbing me to the core.
I have this problem, you see. Where I know what I am supposed to do, yet all of my being says I have to be and do otherwise. This inability to focus and do, frustrates me. In the need for fresh air and something new, I look towards nowhere. It hurts and it's bad, when you take steps trying to keep your morals in checks. Yet getting wind blown in your face and a harsh tone whistling with it. As I am stuck in this dammed routine that bores the fuck out of me. Trying to break out, I act like a child in need for attention, when no one bothers and no one cares to listen to my unbridled thoughts. Yet that wouldn't be my problem, as much as no one cares to understand where it all comes from and why. So I struggles with my thoughts and process as I try to evolve and do something else, when I have no avenue of doing what I wish for. Just as much as I am afraid to take the next step, knowing what awaits me. So I try to find a comfortable soothing place to understand myself and work towards my next place to be. Yet if it was easy, everyone would do it. So I try to keep it simple, keep it safe, but not too far from damnation.
They say that making the first step towards your dream is all that matters, yet when you take the second and third. You see that no one moves an inch to what you are trying to do, scares me, it would scare you too. So you try to find quick plan b's and c's and so on and so forth you try and go. But to where? When you fight for your voice, but all you get is a nuisance to deal with.
They say that legends are those that do the extraordinary, but when your appearance is ordinary, your complex simple and your ideas have the appearance of sticking in the ordinary, people do not look at you. It's like trying to fight the wind by pissing against it. You're the moron that's going to have to explain to people why you're wet and ashamed for what you tried to do. So when you swear it won't happen again, you start building walls around, a roof over your head. The result is the same, you're doing what everyone's doing, and quite soon, you're up in your ass. Having lost the touch with the real world and living in a fantasy. You became what many are, all that genius lost, all because now you're full of shit.
So what can one do to avoid all this? Well, again... They say that one must take the bull by the horns, must take life head on, must take it as it is and face it all. But as I am here, there's nothing to take on. I have to go around and sucker punch the world in the nards in order to get some attention. Attention usually greeted by backlash and fury. Which would be fine, if it weren't for the fact that it just stops to that backlash.
Here I stand, angry, flustered, trapped and with my mind in a bind as I try to find a way to unwind.
Consider donating: https://www.paypal.me/RaulFO