South Park Spec Script

Script by Raul F. O.

South Park Spec Script.Northern Park

 

EXT. 

WIDE SHOT

Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Stan are standing at the bus stop, waiting for the bus. From the right comes Butters, he gets next to Cartman. And he kicks him Cartman in the genitals.

CUT TO:

THE OPENING/INTRO OF THE SHOW

FADE IN:

WIDE SHOT

TO RANDY ALL ALONE AT A WINE BAR WATCHING TV

TV NEWSCASTER TOM

We report once again that in one of our cities in Colorado, mainly in one of the Parks, there is raping, pillaging and yes, even murder. A total disaster as doomsday is approaching once again.

RANDY

Oh, what now? This is bullshit. We just got some peace and quiet, and now this?

CUT TO:

INT. 

City Hall

WIDE SHOT

We see all the South Park characters in the Hall, except Randy. There is a big murmur, everyone is talking and is upset.

MAYOR MCDANIELS

Quiet everyone.

The murmur stops.

 

MAYOR MCDANIELS (CONT’D)

We all know why we are gathered here today. But we all know the truth. There is no doomsday upon us.

MEDIUM SHOT

GOTH KIDS

We knew this was all a lie.

WIDE SHOT OF THE CITY HALL

We see the Goth kids getting up and storming out of the City Hall.

MEDIUM-CLOSE SHOTS ARE USED BELOW WITH THE CAMERA CUTTING FROM ONE CHARACTER TO THE NEXT

SHEILA BROFLOVSKI

How do you know that, Ms. Mayor? When did the news media start to lie to us?

CARTMAN

Oh good, here we go again.

KYLE

Shut up, asshole.

STEPHEN STOTCH

Ever since we got rid of all the ads, we only got real, authentic news.

MAYOR MCDANIELS

Listen here. Nothing is happening, there is no doomsday, there is nothing to be afraid. So go home and do not panic.

SHEILA BROFLOVSKI

And why should we listen to you? Every time we were on the brink of an apocalypse you were nowhere to be found.

STEPHEN STOTCH

Exactly.

WIDE SHOT

Murmur starts again in the City Hall.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET

Butters looking rugged, walking on the street towards South Park. With a very angry expression on his face.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CITY HALL

WIDE SHOT

PEOPLE ARE EXITING IN ANGER THE CITY HALL. AND THE FOUR BOYS TALKING.

MEDIUM-CLOSE SHOTS

KYLE

This is bullshit. Why were we dragged to this and for what?

CARTMAN

For nothing. For absolutely nothing. Hopefully we’ll get some KFC, because I am starving.

KENNY

Muffled (Is that Butters?)

CARTMAN

Not now, Kenny.

THE CAMERA PANS FROM THE FOUR BOYS TO STEPHEN STOTCH AND BUTTERS, WHERE WE SEE STEPHEN ANGRY TOWARDS BUTTERS. LOOKING DOWN ON HIM AND GESTURING. WITH LINDA NEXT TO HIM ON THE VERGE OF CRYING.

MEDIUM SHOT

STEPHEN STOTCH

How dare you run away from home, leaving only a note that you’re going to visit your girlfriend in Canada? Are you mad? You are grounded for four weeks.

BUTTERS

Grounded my fucking ass.

STEPHEN STOTCH

What did you just say, young man?

BUTTERS

Go piss on your own balls.

Butters spits on his father (Stephen) and goes towards the four boys.

MEDIUM-LONG SHOT

STEPHEN STOTCH

Butters you get back here! Butters! Butters! You are grounded until you’re 30!

LINDA STOTCH

Let him be, Stephen. We lost him again.

Linda and Stephen start crying.

THE CAMERA FOLLOWS BUTTERS AS HE GOES TOWARDS THE BOYS.

KENNY

Muffled (Guys, guys.)

CARTMAN

Not now, Kenny.

WE SEE BUTTERS ARRIVING NEXT TO THE BOYS.

KYLE

Butters? Weren’t you supposed to be in Canada?

BUTTERS

Right, right... Canada, sure... No, I came back early.

CARTMAN

What? Were you missing your daddy and mommy? Were you afraid there alone?

BUTTERS

Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.

STAN

Are you okay, dude?

BUTTERS

Yeah, yeah, this is boring, I am going.

KYLE

See you later.

BUTTERS

Mhm. Sure.

BUTTERS EXISTS THE SCENE ON THE LEFT.

KENNY

Muffled (That isn’t Butters.)

KYLE

What are you talking about?

KENNY

Muffled (He spit on his father)

KYLE

No he didn’t.

STAN

But what if, what Kenny is saying is true?

CARTMAN

Ahahahaha. You guys are hilarious. Butters, right. And I am a filthy Jew.

KYLE

Cartman, shut up.

STAN

But what if Butters snapped?

KYLE

What do you mean? He snapped.

KENNY

Muffled (Like for, example the whole fucking last twenty seasons.)

STAN

Kenny is right.

KYLE

What are you guys talking about?

STAN

Let’s just follow him.

CUT TO:

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE

CLOSE UP SHOT OF THE MAYOR’S FACE

MAYOR MCDANIELS

What is wrong with these people? I swear to God, I don’t know how we survived for so long.

THE CAMERA ZOOMS OUT FROM HER FACE TO REVEAL PUBLIC OFFICE WORKERS RUNNING AROUND WITH FOLDERS WITH FACTS AND ALTERNATIVE FACTS WRITTEN ON THEM.

OFFICE WORKER NO.1

Mayor, where should we put these files?

MAYOR MCDANIELS

Who cares, it’s all the same now, isn’t it? With that motherfucking Garrison now as president, it doesn’t matter. Someone better get me some schnapps.

ANOTHER OFFICE WORKER BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR LOOKING VERY DISTRESED

OFFICE WORKER D

I have bad news, Ms. Mayor. It’s happening.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BOYS ARE FOLLOWING BUTTERS ON HIS ADVENTURE THROUGH SOUTH PARK STREETS

A MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT OF THE BOYS

KYLE

So what do you think he’s doing here?

CARTMAN

Maybe he came here to buy some penis.

KENNY

Muffled (Hahaha)

KYLE

That’s so stupid, even for you.

THE CAMERA PANS AWAY FROM THE BOYS AND WE SEE AN OLD MAN WITH A WHITE BEARD APPROACHING BUTTERS AND GIVING HIM SOMETHING THAT NO ONE CAN FIGURE OUT. AFTER WHICH IT GOES BACK TO THE BOYS TALKING.

STAN

Who was that?

KYLE

I don’t know, man. But he looked familiar.

STAN

Let’s keep following him.

KENNY

Muffled (Told you that this isn’t our Butters)

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET

The boys keep stalking Butters as he meets with what seems to be a blonde woman with an unnatural, unfitting head for her body. And a bit later with a very good looking version of Cartman. As Cartman sees this, he goes to confront Butters.

CARTMAN

Hey! Who was that?

BUTTERS

Why do you care? Go eat some KFC or MC or something to grow your big bones.

CARTMAN

You asshole. Tell me, who was that?

BUTTERS

Do. Not. Make. Me. Angry. You pussy.

CARTMAN

That’s it. We’re doing this.

Cartman throws his red jacket on the street. And gets in a fighting stance.

THE CAMERA PANS OVER TO KENNY, STAN AND KYLE AS THEY STAY AWAY AND WATCH FROM A BIT OF A DISTANCE CARTMAN AND BUTTERS.

STAN

Aren’t we going to do anything?

KYLE

What? Why would we? Let him be. Let’s just watch this time.

THE CAMERA PANS BACK OVER TO CARTMAN AND BUTTERS. INTENSE MUSIC STARTS AS THEY ARE ABOUT TO FIGHT.

Cartman tries to punch Butters, as he dodges, Cartman falls on his belly. Cartman gets up, and goes again for another punch at Butters. Butters dodges, trips Cartman, he falls on his back. Cartman is trying to get back up. But when he does, Butters is already gone. The three boys come to see Cartman Standing and crying.

KENNY

Muffled (Are you okay?)

CARTMAN

Y-y-yes.

Cartman slowly recovers and they start searching for Butters again.

KYLE

It’s so weird. He usually cries and goes home, but now this.

STAN

I know dude. Maybe he finally grew up.

KYLE

Yeah, maybe him having a girlfriend made him grow up.

CUT TO:

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE

The camera is on the mayor while she is waiting for someone to pick up.

MEDIUM SHOT

MAYOR MCDANIELS

Come on, pick up. Pick up.

OFFICE WORKER NO.2

Why isn’t he picking up?

THE SCREEN IS SPLIT IN TWO IN ORDER TO SEE THE TWO SIDES TALKING.

PRESIDENT GARRISON

Hello? This is the White House, I swear to god, if you’re Kim Jon Un again, I’m gonna nuke your fatass.

MAYOR MCDANIELS

No. It’s me Mr. Garrison.

PRESIDENT GARRISON

Oh, it’s you. What do you want?

MAYOR MCDANIELS

It’s happening. Again. We need your help.

PRESIDENT GARRISON

I don’t want to. If you want any help talk to Steve.

MAYOR MCDANIELS

Please, President Garrison. They are here.

PRESIDENT GARRISON

I told you, I do not care. Here, talk to Stevie.

MAYOR MCDANIELS

No... Wait

STEVE BANNON

Hello, who is this?

MAYOR MCDANIELS

Hello, Mr. President. I am the Mayor of South Park. And we need your help with something very important.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET

THE BOYS ARE STILL FOLLOWING BUTTERS, AS BUTTERS MEETS WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE TO EXCHANGE THINGS.

KYLE

What the fuck is he doing? Who are those people?

STAN

I don’t know, but this isn’t normal.

CARTMAN

We’ve been tracking this young man that turned bad. Bad for money? Bad for what? It was a mystery, a mystery this detective knew he had to solve.

KENNY

Muffled (Together with his trusted friend they went and investigated. When I saw a woman with beautiful breasts across the street I had to run towards her.)

CARTMAN

What?

THE CAMERA TRACKS KENNY AS HE RUNS TOWARDS A WOMAN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD. BUT BEFORE HE COULD GET TO HER, HE IS HIT BY CAITLYN JENNER.

STAN

Oh my god, they killed Kenny.

KYLE

You bastards!

CARTMAN

And so, my dear partner, was killed.

KYLE

Can’t you have a little bit of respect for him and stop narrating? We’re not in a film noir.

CARTMAN

Suck my balls Kyle. Kenny was my partner, not yours. I lost a dear friend today. We should have solved this case together.

KYLE

Just shut up.

STAN

Look over there!

THE CAMERA PANS TOWARDS BUTTERS AND A MAN.

CARTMAN

Isn’t that...

KYLE

No, it can’t be...

STAN

But it is...

SUDDENLY AN ALARM STARTS TO SOUND IN THE WHOLE CITY. AS THE CAMERA MOVES TO AN ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE CITY AND GOES BACK TO THE KIDS.

KYLE

What’s happening? What’s this alarm for?

THE MAYOR VOICE IS HEARD OVER THE ALARM

MAYOR MCDANIELS (V.O.)

Dear citizens of South Park. As of this moment, the city is under lock. No one goes in or out. Until we figure out who is from here and who is from Northern Park. So do not trust anyone, they could be a Northerner.

KYLE

Wait, what?

STAN

This makes no sense. What is a Northerner?

KYLE

Like Canadians? Or what?

MAYOR MCDANIELS (V.O.)

No, not like Canadians, like from Northern Park. The opposite of South Park, how stupid are you people?

Is what the Mayor said on the announcement over the alarm.

CUT TO:

INT. WINE BAR

MEDIUM-LONG SHOT

Randy Marsh is enjoying a glass of Sauvignon Blanc wine, watching the TV.

TV NEWSCASTER TOM

Welcome back to the 5 o’clock news. The Mayor of South Park just announced that we are on lock down. Again. Due to Northerners infiltrating the South Park community. The Mayor told us that President Bannon is sending help to eradicate the problem.

RANDY

Yeah, sure. God damn it.

PC Principal joins Randy.

PC PRINCIPAL

We shouldn’t let this be. You know that, right?

RANDY

I am tired of it. It’s tiring.

PC PRINCIPAL

But that’s exactly what they want from you. To be tired, to not think. That’s what they want from all of us. They want to divide us. They want to divide those from the North and the South. And this is the God damn United States of America.

RANDY

We’re in ‘Murica! Fuck yeah!

PC PRINCIPAL

So what do you say? Shall we do this?

RANDY

Yes.

CUT TO:

INT - WHITE HOUSE CONFERENCE ROOM

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE CONFERENCE ROOM. WITH THE CORESPONDENT AT THE PODIUM STARTING THE CONFERENCE.

CHARLIE SHEEN

Shut up, people! We’re here today because we’re winning. We’re winning so much, you have no idea. For example, today our President signed another executive order regarding the ban on wigs, toupees and hay hair. Also today President St.. Trump decided that we’re about to nuke South Park. Or Northern Park, whichever, doesn’t matter. The idea is that we’re going to win whatever is there to win. So we have to stay positive in this regard. Also, people still love our President, because he is winning, like you have no idea. And that is the truth. Any other questions?

JOURNALIST 1

Yes. Can I ask a question?

CHARLIE SHEEN

That was a question. Another question? No? Okay.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET OF SOUTH PARK

MEDIUM SHOT

KYLE

What is happening? Why are people running like crazy on the street?

STAN

I don’t know, man. But it’s freaking me out.

RANDY

Staaaan... Staaaan...

STAN

Dad? Dad? Where are you?

THE CAMERA PANS TOWARDS RANDY AS HE RUNS TO STAN.

RANDY

Oh thank god you’re okay.

STAN

Dad, what’s happening?

RANDY

It’s bad, it’s really bad. These people want to drive us apart.

STAN

Who are these people?

RANDY

They are bad people. We once fought them, now they are back.

STAN

What are you talking about?

RANDY

There’s no time for that here, let’s get somewhere safe.

STAN

Where are we going?

RANDY

At our home, in the basement. That’s where everyone gathered around.

CUT TO:

INT. BASEMENT OF THE MARSH HOUSE

LONG ESTABLISHING SHOT

The three boys and Randy make their entrance. As PC Principal and others were waiting for Randy to return.

MEDIUM SHOT

RANDY

We’re back. It’s all madness outside.

KYLE

What’s happening?

PC PRINCIPAL

They want to keep the people of South Park separated and intolerant to the outside world. They don’t want us, to let other people in our community.

KYLE

Who are these people? You keep talking about these people, but who are they? And what the fuck are Northerners?

RANDY

It’s okay, Stan. We’re here. We will fight back.

PC PRINCIPAL

Northerners are something we thought we wouldn’t see anymore.

RANDY

You see kids, years ago, more specifically in the 60’s, there were things that we did. Things that we can’t really explain. And the government took advantage of this.

CUT TO:

EXT. FLASHBACK TO THE 60’S

We see an establishing shot of a city named Central Park, Colorado. And we start hearing Randy narrating.

RANDY (V.O.)

When we were your age, our parents were very high. So no one knew what we were doing. And no one cared, we were free as butterflies looking for some poon. There were the four of us. Me, Gerald, Chef and Stuart McCormick. We were the coolest kids in the South Park elementary. Everyone was fearing us.

As Randy narrates his story, the flashback shows the reality of the situation. (The exact opposite of what he is narrating. Except their parents getting high on acid, the four protagonists of this flashback and the parents leaving for Woodstock)

RANDY (V.O.)

All the girls were really into us. We were the smartest of them all. We had respect, no one ever dared touching us, not even the adults.

SHARON MARSH

Randy, get going with the story.

RANDY (V.O.)

But one weekend in August 1969, all the adults disappeared. No one knows what happened. Everyone was leaving happily, when they came back, those people change. A lot. Most of them we couldn’t recognize. When we asked them what happened, no one remembered anything. A week later, for some reason, everyone in town was fighting. Long story short, Central Park was divided in two. They signed a treaty and build the mountains around us, to keep each other apart.

FADE IN:

BACK TO THE BASEMENT, PRESENT DAY

STAN

But how come we never heard about this?

PC PRINCIPAL

Because people ,like the lying media, don’t want us to know about these things.

KYLE

Wait, what?

CARTMAN

That’s it, I’m going home. Screw this.

KENNY

Muffled (Yeah, fuck this place.)

KYLE

Kenny, you’re back. How?

KENNY

Muffled (Oh not this bullshit again.)

PC PRINCIPAL

Like I was saying! The media wants us divided, when the President is out there fighting for truth.

STAN

But didn’t Mr. Garrison say fuck’em all to death?

PC PRINCIPAL

But that’s what they want you to think. It’s all fake, it always was.

RANDY

Can’t you see Stan? We were divided for so many years, now finally they found their way back here, where they belong. With us.

STAN

Then why did the Mayor say that we shouldn’t trust anyone? That they might have replaced people from South Park?

RANDY

Oh, well, something about cloning experiments that the government did on us in the 60’s.

STAN

Wait what?

PC PRINCIPAL

We don’t have time, we need to solve this, now.

RANDY

So, does everyone have their phones, right?

All the characters respond in a unison.

ALL THE CHARACTERS

Yes!

RANDY

Good. Now, everyone open your Airbnb app.

STAN

Wait, what?

RANDY

You too Stan.

STAN

But why?

PC PRINCIPAL

Respect your father and do as he says. Now open your god damn Airbnb app before I beat some sense into you.

RANDY

Now we all should start accepting Northerners in your homes.

STAN

But why?

RANDY

Can’t you see, Stan? The only way to do this, is inclusion.

PC PRINCIPAL

If we include those that were banished back then, we might have finally a chance to do right what those before us did wrong.

RANDY

And how else can we do it? We have to let them in hour homes. That’s what happened when that one guy let Jesus to be born in his barn. And so should we do.

KYLE

Oh god.

CUT TO:

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE OFFICE

The Mayor’s office is empty, with only the Mayor in her chair, drinking.

MAYOR MCDANIELS

How fucking great is this? If a nuke is our end, well then fuck them.

OFFICE WORKER D

Ms. Mayor, something horrible is happening. All the people of South Park have vanished. No one knows anything about anyone. And it seems that a large amount of Northerners are moving into Airbnb’s all over South Park. What are we supposed to be doing? There are doppelgangers everywhere.

CUT TO:

INT. BASEMENT OF THE MARSH HOUSE

We see the characters cheering as people move in their Airbnb’s.

STAN

Dad... Daaaaad... DAD!

RANDY

What?

STAN

It says on the internet that there’s a nuke heading towards South Park. What are we going to do?

RANDY

A nuke?

Everyone in the room starts to panic as Randy confirms by nodding after searching on his own phone if it is in fact true.

PC PRINCIPAL

Everybody calm down. We’re gonna survive.

SHEILA BROFLOVSKI

How? There’s a nuke heading for us.

RANDY

I know. Remember the bus we built a few years back? Let’s all get into that bus and go the Northern Park.

PC PRINCIPAL

But we can’t let people die here. We need to warn them too.

RANDY

But there won’t be enough space left on that bus. It’s either them, or us. We did our part and let them back here. Now they should show some gratitude and let us take their place.

WIDE SHOT

ALL THE CHARACTERS

Yeah.

MEDIUM SHOT

KYLE

I’d better call Cartman and tell him about this.

RANDY

Okay people, we’re aiming for that bus. Let’s go.

CUT TO:

EXT. RANDY’S HOUSE

WIDE SHOT

On the street we see a lot of chaos, we see doppelgangers running into each other and freaking out even more. We see other doppelgangers starting to make out in the middle of the street. As the siren from the alarm is still sounding through the city. In their efforts to get to the bus, our cast start fighting people in a montage of about 20 seconds long. Until the bus appears and stops in front of them and killing Kenny, again.

STAN

Oh my god, they killed Kenny. Again?

KYLE

You bastards.

The bus doors open and inside the Mayor is with Cartman, inviting them in.

KYLE (CONT’D)

How is this possible?

CARTMAN

I heard about the nuke and was heading towards the bus, when I met the Mayor here running like crazy trying to find you guys.

SHEILA BROFLOVSKI

You do care.

MAYOR MCDANIELS

Of course I care, you morons. Now let’s get out of here and let’s make Northern Park our new South Park.

RANDY

PC Principal, come on, you have to come with us. We need you.

PC PRINCIPAL

No you don’t anymore. We have a great president, you guys changed, this all changed for the better. But for me, there’s still something to do here, some people to help. You go, I’ll stay behind.

RANDY

No, PC Principal... No!

STAN

Let’s go, dad.

RANDY

PC forever!

PC PRINCIPAL

PC forever. Now go.

We see PC Principal turning away and the doors to the bus closing, as Aerosmith’s I don’t wanna miss a thing starts playing.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET OF SOUTH PARK

WIDE SHOT

PC Principal starts running and gathering people around him and guides them towards the Whole Foods for protection.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET

LONG SHOT

We see the bus drive through duplicates, killing many of them. Until Butters puts himself on the street with the oncoming bus, takes out a gun and shoots, he misses the first shot. Yet he hits duplicate yellow hoodie Kenny in the dick, he dies. Then he shoots a second time and he shoots the tires out. The bus stops. Everyone gets off and is very agitated and angry.

MEDIUM SHOT

STEPHEN STOTCH

Butters. What are you doing? We were supposed to escape. Why did you stop us?

BUTTERS

No one make a move or I will shoot people. Understood?

CARTMAN

Yeah, seriously, don’t move, last time he shot like four guys in the dick. You don’t shoot people in the dick, Butters! It’s weak.

STEPHEN STOTCH

Tell me Butters, why are you doing this?

BUTTERS

I am not your Butters. I’m a 34 year old Northerner named Butters. And I know what you did to my parents, I am here to pay all you motherfuckers back for what you did then.

RANDY

Yeah right. You and what army?

STAN

Dad, please no.

KYLE

Oh god.

BUTTERS

I am glad you asked.

WIDE SHOT

SUDDENLY FROM SOME PLACES APPEAR THE BLONDE LADY WITH A WEIRD HEAD, THE WHITE BEARDED MAN, A FLAMBOYANT 50 SOMETHING YEAR OLD GUY AND SOME OTHER FAMILIAR FACES.

MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT

CARTMAN

God fucking damn it. I knew it.

KYLE

Britney Spears?

BRITNEY SPEARS

Barely intelligible: You guys helped get me killed, I am back for revenge.

STAN

Isn’t the bearded guy Mel Gibson? Didn’t we deal with that crazy guy?

MEL GIBSON

Why do you think I am crazy? Because I wanted you to punish me? Because I think the same way about the Jews as you guys and your dear President thinks about Muslims? HUH?! Compared to him am I really that fucking crazy? I don’t think so.

KYLE

Just fucking great.

TOM CRUISE

Don’t forget about me boys.

STAN

Yeah, glad to see you finally out of the closet.

TOM CRUISE

I’m gonna kill you little piece of shit.

RANDY

Hey, no fudge packer talks to my kid like that.

CARTMAN

Great, this is just a dumb reunion with some stupid ass forgotten celebrities.

Michael Richards, Mark Fuhrman and Scott

Oh Randy, have you forgotten about us?

RANDY

What the fuck?

KYLE

Now that’s what I call an obscure reference.

STAN

Not this one again. God damn it.

MICHAEL RICHARDS

You forgot about us, nigger guy? You all PC now?

STAN

Why is this happening?

RANDY

God damn it.

CARTMAN

So? That’s it Butters? That’s all you have?

BUTTERS

Yeah. Pretty much.

CARTMAN

Weak, brah.

BUTTERS

Oh, I almost forgot. Doctor, please join us.

KYLE

Doctor? Who?

DR. DAVID NELSON

I am back to take my revenge.

CARTMAN

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

DR. DAVID NELSON

You see, words are like bullets, and now I will be a bullet.

CARTMAN

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... Who thought this was a great idea?

TOM CRUISE

I am so done with this, let’s end it.

WIDE LONG SHOT

In the style of Captain America Civil War, Zombieland and Gangs of New York, a battle starts between the two sides. We see Tom Cruise fighting Randy Marsh, Britney Spears fighting Sharon Marsh. Dr. David Nelson is fighting Cartman, Mel Gibson is fighting Kyle and Stan for their twenty dollars. The trio of Michael Richards, Mark Fuhrman and Scott are fighting the McCormick family and Butters is fighting the Mayor. The rest of them are fighting doppelgangers from the Northern Park that haven’t followed PC Principal.

CUT TO:

WIDE SHOT

The fight between Tom Cruise and Randy

Tom Cruise starts getting some fudge from his pockets and is throwing them towards Randy as he hops like a ballerina on the street. Randy in the style of the Matrix dodges some of the fudge, some other fudge he catches with his mouth and eats or bites off. Then Randy retaliates by taking of his shirt and getting into his drunk baseball game fighting stance. And throws himself after Cruise. Hitting a trash can, Carrot Top and a transgender transformer.

CUT TO:

Dr. David Nelson fighting Cartman.

CARTMAN

Pfft...

DR. DAVID NELSON

You won’t laugh after I am done with you.

CARTMAN

Please stop it. AHAHAHAHAHA.

In a rage Dr. David Nelson starts running towards Cartman screaming. Cartman dodges the Doctor and starts playing Matador with him. Managing to anger the Doctor more and more and making him throw himself harder and harder at Cartman. Of course he misses, hits the ground a few times, before hitting Ike and (the Doctor)falling on his ass.

CARTMAN (CONT’D)

This is way too precious. Even a baby... Ahahahahahahahahahahahahah. Please make it stop.

CUT TO:

THE FIGHT BETWEEN SHARON MARSH AND BRITNEY SPEARS

Britney starts flailing her arms around trying to hit Sharon, yet she misses with every punch. Sharon simply punches her with an uppercut in her chin. With that hit, Britney’s upper half of the head flies away and Britney drops dead, while the top of the head tries to roll away. Yet it’s stopped and stomped by Sheila Broflovski.

CUT TO:

THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE TRIO OF THE NIGGER-GUYS AND THE MCCORMICK FAMILY

The trio starts by pulling their guns out.

MEDIUM SHOT

MICHAEL RICHARDS

You think you can do something against us? You’re dead wrong.

STUART MCCORMICK

We’ll see about that, right kids?

MCCORMICK KIDS

Yeah.

MRS. MCCORMICK

I’m gonna kick yo asses. Let’s do this. We ain’t afraid of yo’s guns.

STUART MCCORMICK

That’s right honey, we have a crack pipe, beer bottle and a rifle, whatch’u gonna do about that? Nigga guys.

MICHAEL RICHARDS, MARK FUHRMAN AND SCOTT

Let’s kill them.

We hear some tires screeching, a car entering the frame and hitting the trio of nigger guys.

CUT TO:

THE FIGHT BETWEEN MEL GIBSON AND KYLE AND STAN

WIDE SHOT

Mel Gibson brings out a sword swinging it towards the two boys. But in his madness and jumping around, Mel accidently kills Carrot Top by slicing off the head of his shoulders and neck, and shrugs it off.

MEDIUM SHOT

MEL GIBSON

Oh come on boys, where you running at? I am here to be pleasured, and you’ll let me get my desired pleasures, right?

KYLE

Dude, what the fuck are we supposed to do?

STAN

I don’t know, just keep running.

CUT TO:

PC PRINCIPAL

PC Principal stops the fight between Tom Cruise and Randy by hugging Tom Cruise tightly from behind.

PC PRINCIPAL

It’s okay Tom, you’re with friends here. No one cares, you can be whoever you want and with whomever you want. And you’re not a fudge packer. It’s okay.

Tom Cruise starts crying like a baby.

TOM CRUISE

I am so sorry, I had all these emotions and feelings and stuff. I am so sorry.

PC PRINCIPAL

It’s okay buddy, it’s okay.

CUT TO:

THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE MAYOR AND BUTTERS

Butters tries to shooting Ms. Mayor, yet he misses.

VICTIM NO. 1

Oh fuck, my balls.

BUTTERS

God damn it, stay still.

Butters fires another shot and misses again, with the Mayor standing completely still.

VICTIM NO.2

Auch, shieeet. My balls. Who shoots a dude in the dick? Weak, man.

BUTTERS

You know what, this isn’t worth it.

Butters throws the gun away, gets out a knife and starts running towards the Mayor, trying to stab her. When he gets to her, the Mayor simply kicks Butters in the balls, repeatedly. Until the PC principal gets there, stop the Mayor and scolds Butters.

PC PRINCIPAL

That’s what you get for wanting to beat down on a woman in power. You shouldn’t do that, women are already prosecuted by men and the patriarchy. You see, this is a woman that lead this town to greatness. And you should respect that, not just try to take her place through violent ways, just because you’re a man.

KYLE

Wait, but didn’t PC Principal take the place of Principal Victoria?

BUTTERS

What the fuck are you talking about? This has nothing to do with that. I just want revenge for what this town did to my parents.

PC PRINCIPAL

If that is true, then what you are telling me is that you miss your parents. You’re more then welcome to South Park, you’re welcome to stay here.

BUTTERS

No, no, no, I don’t want to spend another second in this place. I’ll be back another time!!!

Butters exists on the left flipping everyone off. Then the PC Principal goes towards the “fight” between the Doctor and Cartman. Where Cartman is still laughing his ass off. And the Doctor is on Cartman trying to hit him.

CARTMAN

Please stop! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! It tickles, NO! HAHAHAHA.

When the PC Principal arrives he takes the Doctor off of Cartman and starts scolding him.

PC PRINCIPAL

Doctor Nelson, you’re better than this. You see, words are like bullets, if you let them pass through you, they won’t affect you.

DR. DAVID NELSON

What do you know about being ridiculed by this fatass.

PC PRINCIPAL

Hey, it’s not okay to call Cartman fat, he has a disorder. There are many people in this country suffering from his disorder. And you’re in no special position to call names just because you’re a little person.

Cartman is giggling behind PC Principal’s back this whole time.

DR. DAVID NELSON

I... I just...

PC PRINCIPAL

I know, I know.

Dr. David Nelson starts crying and running before getting hit by Caitlyn Jenner. As she gets out of the car she says.

CAITLYN JENNER

What’s up, buckaroos?

KYLE

Caitlyn Jenner? Why are you here?

CAITLYN JENNER

Because I have great news. The President won’t nuke South Park.

RANDY

That’s great news. Hear that honey?

KYLE

How come?

CAITLYN JENNER

Let’s just say he found a bigger threat to deal with.

KYLE

Which is?

CAITLYN JENNER

The ban on Airbnb and Whole Foods.

RANDY

But why?

CAITLYN JENNER

Because this has gotten way too gay.

WIDE LONG SHOT

PC Principal starts shaking in anger. Caitlyn Jenner gets back in her car, drives off and over Carrot Top again. While the rest remain shocked at Garrison’s decision. Suddenly the real Butters makes his way into the scene.

BUTTERS

Hey, guys. Did I miss anything?

FADE TO:

OUTRO OF THE SHOW AND END CREDITS

The outro is interrupted for a split second by:

MEMBERBERRY

Member us?

MEMBERBERRIES

Yeah, member us?

OUTRO

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