You still remember the time you got off and met someone, but all that remained between the both of you are just silent words from an unknown past.
The time you tried to convince her that you could give her more than she could carry, that you were special. She started believing you, but you screwed up by bringing the past back to life, trying to explain what you are. Just ending up in being friends, and as time passes you got your second chance. But didn't take the step that was needed. So now, you go on as a friend. But you still get reminded that she could have been yours.
The person that doesn't have any silver lining, just wrong or right, good or bad, intelligent or stupid, not average, not normal. But that isn't all there is to this curse, telling the truth to every person you know, but lying to yourself is the worst part of this curse, called myself. And even though I know the truth, one thing keeps me back. The fear that was struck into me since I was a child, the fear of failure holds me back. As for the ones I know and knew, I disappointed them too many times. And afraid I still hide in my house for days trying to forget, trying to find myself and go on. But every step I make is on a road back to the past. Waiting for a new way out, time flies away and leaves me into this cold world.
Behind all this, there is a story about time and truth, about being right and being wrong. I've been through a lot, maybe too much. The story I wanted to write is simple. One night I got a call from a person that I remained friends with, we were out for a drink and a chat. We talked for hours, everything disappeared as we got into our own world, debating one thing, love. As we talked, she told me she was never in love and tried to convince me that she will never fall in love. Because in her experience, she only had people who loved her but, not the other way around. I started explaining to her that love is something beautiful, the way you feel that no one can hold you back. The way you smile when you're in love, it's the best drug that there is. She would've given me a chance that night, but I did not take it, because I knew there was something else, and I would get just hurt in the end.
The time passed by, we rarely talked and one day she came by. And I almost made a mistake, it didn't happen but, it could've been a mistake. Because I wouldn't wanted to be right by my own hand, I wanted to let things take their course. And I know after so much time, I read her blog, being happy but, sad at the same time for knowing I was right. She was in love, she got hurt and now she is trying to forget it, through work. It's not the first time, not the last time, but what I was trying to say is everyone has its curse or blessing just like this one.
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Originally published on 12.10.2012