It was her. And I was afraid to answer, I always felt like she knew what I was doing. Afraid she’d scold me, afraid she’d get sad or worse, leave me. The phone stops ringing. I don’t if what I feel is right, as soon as those words escape my mouth, my phone starts ringing again. Hello? A brief pause. Hey, are you okay? She asked already knowing the answer. Yeah, I’m fine. How are you? I hear a noise of something moving about around her. I just got home, can you wait a bit? Soft whispers and a sound like that of a jacket hitting the floor, and I remember the last time I called her and she said something about me not knowing. I can’t be jealous, I don’t deserve to even think or feel like that. She’ll never know what happened today or who I was with or why. My thoughts are overwhelming me and distract me from listening to whatever is happening on the other end of this phone call.

Hey, you still here? I was wondering why you’re not home. I sigh as I lied through my teeth telling her about my day meeting an old friend from school and then having to go all around the town in search of something or other just to bump into another friend and going for drinks. With every sentence of mine an ‘aham’ of hers as she is clearly not interested in what I have to say, but patiently awaits me to finish my story. And when are you coming home? Soon? She asked with impatience in her voice. I don’t know. Why? You have any plans? Hearing this she gasps. What? No. I’m tired from work and just want to know when you’ll get home. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with you? I interrupt her. That’s not how I meant it. Why are you like this? I simply asked if there is something you want to do tonight. Like watch a TV show, a movie, take a long bath, stuff like that. What’s wrong with you? Cause I am fine. She goes silent, and I look at my half empty beer, wondering if I should order another one.

I am fine. I told you, just tired. My mind goes blank for a moment. What should I not know? Silence once more. I asked what I shouldn’t know. I hear her take a deep breath. I don’t know what you are talking about, okay? Just, please… I had a long day too. So, have fun, take your time to do whatever. But try to take care, and I’ll see you later, okay? She hangs up without saying any other word. See? This is where relationships go bad, usually. One says one thing, the other understands something else. Usually there’s nothing there, but a silly misunderstanding. But the thing that is at the core of it all is a seething hatred for ones self. And not that I know what to do with myself. I’m just curious if after so many years it will come crumbling down like everything else in life. Entropy at its finest. And then I tell myself…. What a wonderful world. But, then again, I can’t do anything, but head home and face whatever has happened.

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